Friday, 4 December 2009

Slightly flushed

Any hope of losing weight before I die vanished with the unwrapping of the first of the new bacon. Without doubt its the best bacon I have ever eaten, and I am ashamed to say all I have eaten all day apart from a hideous concoction of chips and cheese I shared as an experiment at the local pub.

We went Christmas shopping today, a lively experience and one that was made oh so memorable by having to use a public convenience. Unsure how the new toilet worked I stood guard as Tracey went and availed herself of the hi tech facilities of the self cleaning unisex toilet cubicle. I was not sure that the door actually locked so my presence ensured privacy for my beautiful and oh so patient wife. Suitably relieved we exchanged places, I nipped in before the door closed. Tracey now outside realised my mistake about the same time I did and could do nothing to prevent the tragedy. I, inside the hi tech computerised cubicle could not make the toilet aware that a human had entered as the door was closing and so it should not, under any circumstance begin its automatic wash and disinfect cycle. The toilet disappeared as suddenly as the jets of water and the pine fragrance replaced it. The door opened cycle complete. I lurched onto the dry pavement a bit on the damp side but smelling of spruce. Nothing was said. Tracey did a very good job of not laughing.

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