Friday, 16 March 2012

Mad cow

Hetty is close to giving birth, one way or another, so we are trying to follow advice from the vet, difficult when those tasked to help keel over laughing when we explain how our mad cow arrived at this predicament. Case in point. Vet asks us to prepare birth area, must be large enough for three grown men (well two at this point being vet and yours truly) to wrestle cow should need arise. Must have lighting in case it happens during hours of darkness, hard floor and two metal fixings on opposite walls at knee height in case cows front needs anchoring and winch needs attaching to other end to heave calf out. What we don't have is ropes. Off to farmers supermarket to buy necessary cordage.

Shop floor mercifully empty.

Ring bell.

Old farmer type appears as if by magic.

So do other customers.

"Can I have a set of calf ropes please"

"Speak up son"

"Can I have a set of calf ropes please" slightly louder hoping wont be questioned as to what they are, size, colour, god knows what else all I want is a rope isn't it?

Farmer behind taps me on the shoulder "Calfing are yer"

"Erm, not personally no, but yes thanks" (acutely aware now going to get the inquisition, my fault for messing with the big boys)

"I got out of cattle"

I nod and look at farmershopkeeper hoping he will bugger off and get the rope.

"You got cows then?"

(Oh no, here we go) "Yes..."

"I got a cow crate I can sell yer, don't have much use for it now, handy for calfing" he leers

"Thanks but we've only got the one...." At this point all real farmers sniff and shake their heads.



"Pet is she?"

"Sort of....."

"Got a pretty name as she?"

"Hetty" Someone sniggered at the back

"Jersey is she, good looking..." Definite guffaws.

"No mid legged Dexter" I drew breath looking for the exit, I could see where this was going.

"Ropes for a Dexter?" he said rubbing the stubble on his nose thoughtfully.

"Yes, she got out with a bull we didn't want her to and now shes about to give birth I need the ropes the vet said" I gabbled by way of explanation and in a vain hope of salvaging some credibility.

There was a silence. The farmer grinned and slapped me on the shoulder in a friendly manner (the type of grizzley bear slap friendly) "Don't you worry me lad, she'll be alright, so long as she ain't got in with anything like a Belgian Blue!"

All present bust a gut laughing at this hilarious thought.

I left them too it.

I'll try a different supplier.

Maybe ebay.

Day 16 30 30 lvl 12 gradual hil 13.4km (Fallen, Evenesence)

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