Saturday, 2 February 2013

Hoping for a better one

 Today was going to be massive by way of huge number of jobs done. The sun shone, the rain had almost drained away and early doors saw a horse puzzle waiting to be solved on the door step. Misty and Chester, eager to be first in the breakfast queue had formed and orderly line, but Chester took a few paces forward and turned left.
And stood.
Wall behind and to his front and left, angry shitland to his right his tiny brain fizzed and collapsed on itself and so he stood waiting to be rescued. As an apprentice horse botherer this was beyond me and anyway I was too busy trying to stop Berners joining the mix so my beautiful and oh so patient wife sorted us all out and the morning progressed as planned.
Right up until little t shouted yum yum and showed me a metal staple in his mouth. Despite my best effort of jabbing a finger into his orifice, then holding him upside down over a magnet the metal disappeared. A forensic search of his mouth, clothing and floor surrounding led to a conclusion that he might have swallowed it. Had it been a button or similar I would have favoured the wait and see what happens approach, as it was sharp and he wasn't puncture proof I opted for phoning the doc to be told what I knew, take him to A and E and get him x rayed.
Thus began a whole new adventure. The small market town where we almost live is lucky to have a garage considering its a one horse kind of place. That garage had run out of diesel, this I knew as I had tried to get some the night before and found all 6 pumps closed. I could have done the whole weekly shop, bought enough alcohol to kill an army, enough gas to run a dozen barbeque's and a whole host of other useful items but no go juice for Miranda.
So problem one to solve was to coax a 4x4 with 5 miles worth of fuel to another garage 8 miles away. Probably as a result of the super cautious driving this entailed we all survived what would have been a serious crash when a tractor we were following swerved onto the right hand side of the road as a preparation for a fantastic sharp left turn across our path. Once tyres had cooled down and the smoke cleared being told to get an effing move on my the fat youth in a lumber jacket was the final straw and after brief conversation which ended with him sincerely apologising we resumed our quest for fuel. Filled to the brim just in case of world shortage we made it to A and E where we sat with assorted sports injuries, the compulsory child with saucepan stuck on his head and sobering up drunks who on waking had found they had broken a limb falling the night before, the signs were it was going to be a long wait. Two hours later little t was happily entertaining all and sundry by shouting "Oh no! Phone! Where is it!" every time the phone rang, which in an A and E department is quite regularly.
Finally we went through to x-ray.
Now point any sort of camera at him and he does the above, in fact he has been known to photobomb, that is also the above, jumping in the way of whatever subject you are taking and making sure you are in fact the subject. The radiographer was a very enthusiastic young lady who was happy to have a very inquisitive 23 month old press all the buttons on the machine while I donned a lead lined suit. All he had to do was sit still with his back to the wall and say cheese. 30 minutes later with two radiographers on the point on  tears he finally acquiesced and sat still long enough for one snap which revealed he had a full set of bones and was metal free. Relieved we headed back to the ranch only to be caught up in some road race with two idiots in hatchbacks trying to be first to the pearly gates and eager to take as many with them. So bad was their driving I called in at the local police station which was apparently unmanned, but as I told the intercom called Helen, there is a police car outside and lights on so I assume the building was occupied. Still the friendly intercom took all the details and by the time we got home the police who were not there phoned to say thanks for the info.
Tomorrow will go as planned. I hope.

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