Monday, 11 February 2013


 We have cats.
Four of the vermin beasts and it is a constant battle to keep them from the worktops and my breakfast/lunch/dinner. Several times I have caught sight of an intended roast being dragged out through the Bernese Mountain Dog sized cat flap. Today one of them added a new trick to their repertoire.
 And before I get any smart emails, text messages or semaphores this is as it happened and the resulting fire was nothing whatsoever to do with my successful rewiring of the central heating.
So my beautiful and oh so patient wife was entertaining the apprentice smallholder in the living room when she could smell burning. As the woodburner was in full flow this was not an unusual occurrence, however the quantity of smoke billowing from the kitchen was. Following the guidance of the fire brigade of get out stay out she went straight to the source of the fire, our cooker (see nothing to do with me!) where several articles of my clothing were merrily turning into black plastic and flames. After smothering the flames, turning off the stove, opening the windows and taking little t outside she waited for things to settle, which they did before hypothermia as it was a tad cold this morning. Certain it was now danger overtime MBAOSPW and little t then forensically examined the scene. The electric hob that set fire to my smalls was one that is never used, except at Christmas when all 5 are put through their paces. No one had had a full cooked this morning, soggies were breakfast of champions today. My smalls were not usually on the electric cooker, even I know that trying to dry clothing that way (or under the grill) doesn't work it just makes it smaller/smell funny/crack/explode/turn black, but they were in a basket on the worktop. Cat prints the final piece of puzzle.
So moggy unknown decided to kip in clean washing, tipped it over (perhaps a second moggy wanted the place) and as it succumbed to gravity (the cat not my pants) it tried to stop its fall by clinging on and so managed to turn the ring on thus causing an interesting half hour for its owners. If that seems unlikely then the only other explanation is paranormal. And we all know Heidi the ghost at HQ is a kleptomaniac not a pyromaniac.

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