Tuesday, 31 July 2012
All was going so well, despite the attentions of the Berners and rampaging Ryleands who all of a sudden couldn't wait to cram into the open trailer to steal the apple slices placed strategically to tempt the soon to be sausage to their fate. Fifteen minutes into the operation with two pigs almost fully in the trailer a third, who we also wanted to be bacon, marched up the ramp and decided that this was the exact moment to settle old scores and a full on fight for the cox's pippins ensued which scattered the dogs, sheep and bipeds until it all calmed down. By which time pigs had it away on their trotters and so the great round up began.
No, what I was really worried about today was the prospect of the trailer obstacle course the abattoir end of the journey. The journey there was uneventful apart from an ambulance wanting the same piece of road I was on and so began the first of many reversing tests which I happy to say I passed with flying colours and aside from hitting a wheelie bin full of rotting entrails, no penalty points.
As usual the mayhem of the small slaughterhouse entrance attracted a ring of spectators, all waiting for the inevitable jack knifed vehicle/trailer combos as the helpless and hapless reverse from the busy main road through the narrow gate, negotiating the crowd, the other 4x4's with empty trailers, escaping animals, cross vets, happy slaughter men and a butcher who is as cheerful as a hung over Phil Mitchell.
Today I watched as grown man broke down in tears mid way through the gate, he was helped from his Land Rover while a volunteer driver sorted out the mess. My turn came and much to every ones surprise (and disappointment) I got through the gate, reversed along a queue of vehicles waiting to exit, waved at Phil Mitchell who was pointing and saying something like "I remember you from last time!" (rude!) parallel parked, then continued back through a gap left by a transit van and sobbing farmer up to the unloading point. Here the slight impact with the wheelie bin could have spoiled a winning streak but as no one saw it didn't count. Pigs out. Away in time to get to work. I collect my medal and sausages Thursday.
Posted by Tony at 23:39