Stupid Cow

The day got off to a slow start as we had friends over and this called for a full cooked English on the helipad. Any excuse to stuff myself with our sausage bacon and eggs! Once they moved on to their next destination I got on with trying to get jobs off the jobs list without adding to it.


I didn't even know we had a green plastic chair, but Hetty found one. She also found an interesting way to attract my attention, jumping the garden fence and playing silly buggers with the greenhouse. Thankfully she only broke glass in the already broken one, but hell bent on creating chaos she returned from having a smashing time with aforementioned headgear. Never having had to remove garden furniture from demented bovines it was all a bit of a learning curve. This started with taking a firm grip of chair before realising that this was a bigger mistake than forcing ones head through a small hole in a plastic chair.

Now their is form in the Rock HQ clan for getting stuck in a chair. He who cannot be named, eldest son, aged 9 decided to see if he could fit through the back of a chair, a contortionist trick he managed with some finesse until he passed it from his waist, squeezed his shoulders through and was found in the first stages of death by plastic school chair by a panicking teacher. Teacher did the obvious if faced with a blazing inferno, or horrific life threatening accident, and phoned the fire brigade. They dutifully turned out the jaws of life, a huge hydraulic cutting device, and made to free first born. He had a sense of humour failure and a kindly fireman wiped away his tears, covered his head in fairy liquid and removed chair from sobbing child. The school phoned me to tell of the crisis and thought it very bad form that I had hysterics and thought the whole episode v funny.

Back in present crisis on third circuit of garden I decided to let go of mad cow before one of us was seriously hurt and resorted to the old combination of applied psychology and extreme violence. Lulled into a false sense of security by the sudden appearance of an extra feed and my bonne homme, Hetty paused in her canter around the garden and stuffed her face. This provided yours truly with the opportunity to grip the chair and in a super hero type way break it with my bare hands. I am not sure who was more surprised, me or the cow, but she was certainly grateful that the plastic add on was gone and even more thankful that I hadn't used the sledge hammer on a better safe than sorry principle.

The day calmed down a bit, one of the Ryeland Lambs took up residence in Mr Whirlpool, we went over to see Stable Sprite to wish him a happy birthday (presented him with a Rock HQ special, a letter rack painted like a Berkshire pig) did a bit of last minute shopping and entertained Beth and Rob in the evening. I'm hoping for a quieter day tomorrow!