Friday, 13 August 2010

Things can only get better

Friday the 13th.
Find newly created fish tank empty. Either hole in tank or more likely scenario pipe left in tank has acted as siphon and water has drained back into well. Luckily no fish in tank so no casualties.
Reuben the monster Bernese puppy somehow manages to get his massive bulk under the new fence at top of bank. This means he is now trapped between it and the fence at the bottom of the bank which is part of the horse corral. Spend pointless portion of life trying to persuade idiot puppy to retrace steps, end torment by giving self hernia and lifting him over fence.
Sudden need to sit whilst carrying feed up to horses who are perched halfway up Bonsai Mountain. Horrific cracking sound as bottom is applied to fallen log investigated. New digital camera found broken in pocket.
Phone garage about Honda CRV which seems to be lacking power, told to check levels of fluids and bring in. Take top off header tank to radiator, distracted by unwanted attention of lovesick goat, drop cap into engine bay. No problem, cap lodges between engine cover and engine. Reach for cap. Goat returns. Cap dropped and falls inside engine cover and out of sight. Need to dismantle engine cover to retrieve cap. Leave job for another day.
DHL lorry arrives. New gun cabinet gives driver double hernia as he tries to maneuver it off back of lorry. Goat gets in lorry causes slight panic amongst packages marked fragile. New gun cabinet twice as heavy as expected and will not fit in site chosen for proposed arsenal. Probably just as well given its too heavy to get upstairs and after last accident when bedside cupboard was shot decision to keep guns out of bedroom still enforced.
Forget to get meat from freezer. No dinner.
Decide to cut loses and go to pub for dinner. Pub serves five deep fried lumps described as garlic mushrooms coated in breadcrumbs that require steak knife to prise open and a steak that smells and tastes like dead rabbit. Argument with chef ends with being charged £1.25 per mushroom and no charge for steak.
Day ends with kebab, indigestion and hiccups. Expect food poisoning later.
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