Tuesday, 16 September 2008
It had to happen.
The two goats, Maggie and Geisha have outwitted their human jailer and have escaped from the maximum security compound Goatanamo.
After a week of putting up with the noise of a crying baby, goats can cry like bad tempered babies, it suddenly went very quiet. Either the goats had accepted their fate and were now trying a new tactic of compliance in order to earn early parole, or, more likely, they had escaped and so no longer had the need to continue their noisy protest. Sadly I found it was the latter and whilst Maggie made good her escape, following Bruce Dickinson's advice and running to the hills, Geisha sought revenge by crapping on the windowsills and chewing through the television aeriel cable.
Maggie turned up first thing and straight away demonstrated her contempt for fences by getting into the garden and vandalised the Bramely apple tree, all the while looking over her shoulder to make sure she could be seen. They then both attacked the hay stack which is once again wounded and hasty repairs with more tarpaulin and plywood sheets managed to stop the hay hemorrhaging into the lane. This will only be a temporary dressing as the goats will no doubt redouble their efforts while we are at work tomorrow and I fully expect to find a mortally wounded haystack which no amount of first aid will rectify.
I do have a cunning plan though.
One Baldric would be proud of. Instead of rounding them up and returning them to Goatanamo I am going to leave them out, for they have a new plaything, a new distraction which just might save the haystack.
Steve the electrician is on site during the day, fixing the wiring, finding new deathtraps such as the exposed live wire at the top of the stairs in the workshop, which had I touched it would have launched me on a similar trajectory as the one I followed this time last year. Hard to believe its nearly a year since I threw myself of the gallery nearly ending our dream of self sufficiency.
With Steve on site they have someone new to goad. They were causing mayhem yesterday when I returned, the end of the workshop was hastily fortified with a makeshift barricade of furniture, work benches and step ladders. A beleaguered electrician was in the process of constructing a white flag having fought bravely all day he finally succumbed to the onslaught and sheltered in the darkest corner of the workshop while the goats ransacked the place and made off with a sack of crunchy cat rings.
Today they were circling like sharks while he defended his honour with a mixture of powertools, well aimed wellingtons and an assortment of swearwords. Unfortunately his defences were yet again over run when I distracted him with a well earned cuppa. He is starting to realise to defeat the Ninja goats he will need more than a pocket full of crystals.
You might ask why, given the problems they are causing him, why don't I rescue him?
Why don't I put the goats back in jail?
Well, the answer is harsh but simple.
Electricians are expendable.
Haystacks are not.
Posted by Tony at 21:26