Garden planning

Its been another glorious day on the Bonsai Mountain, perhaps the 5th sunny day in a row, inevitably attention is turning to the "garden" or warzone. The vegetation and trees have fought gallantly against marauding hordes of hoofed beast determined to eat their fill, the end result of this onslaught is defoliation on an almost agent orange scale. One green house has been ruined by hungry goats keen to exploit the fig tree and grape vines, and a mental cow who took to sleeping in it after making her own entrance, and then a different exit, just in case. Plans are afoot to rectify the wreckage, part of which is the demise of Ambrose our last long range goat who is about to make a contribution to Rock HQ other than stripping the bark off the fruit trees. Our new version Anglo Nubian being agoraphobic is a much better form of goat and as she hates outdoors is environmentally friendly. I am going to be a bit more sensible about what we plant though, our first year here I planted dozens of everything and got precious little in return, I mean no one really needs to plant twenty types of melon do they? Especially when you end up with no actual melons for your hard work.

Day 1 30 30 Hill lvl 12 10.4km

Sudden Impact

As I couldn't sleep (long story involving a lovesick dog) I ventured out of bed at 4.30 am, had a cuppa, and set about some admin, finally finishing some paperwork and sending it. Recipients will wonder what possessed me to be at the key board at 5 am, but it was quiet and it got it done. So I was more than ready for the Dawn Patrol, 3rd cuppa down, out into the minus double figures and once the camera adjusted to my shivering I started getting all arty farty over the landscapes.

Enjoying the sunlit silence it was a case of "Hello birds, hello sky, all is well in my world" Berners roamed free sniffing for bunnies, unlike an American Berner we know our clan members haven't a hope of ever catching the supercharged lagomorphs. But the Berners were enjoying the cold sharp air as much as I was. Oblivious to the sound of hooves fast approaching. Spotty did bark a warning which did make me aware that something bad was about to happen.

A sneak attack from Ambrose, from behind and with height to his advantage a direct hit. A couple of people have asked why I have been limping today, it was easier to say sciatica rather than a goat fell on me.

The difference a day makes!

Speed eating competition, on your marks!Get set!

Go!!!!

And the winner is!

Ambrose. OEGDQ!

Its rollover week!

I did wonder what Ambrose was looking at as I wandered about the smallholding this foggy damp autumn morning. Perhaps he was mourning the loss of breakfast to the ravenous Ryelands. Or contemplating jumping into the field belonging to the militia, or, more likely, calculating the angles needed to, in goat terms, drop the nod on Montana who was busy licking the trough clean.

A sudden movement alerted me to the plight of Roxy, shes the barrel like object upside down to the left of the trough. Now it may seem callous pausing to picture her plight, but as this is Roxy the death wish sheep it seemed only right and proper to preserve for posterity her latest attempt to shuffle off her mortal coil.

Not sure how she managed this, the trough is too big to pose a trip hazard to even the clumsiest sheep, but manage she did and at the point of rescue was firmly wedged upside down in the gap between logs and food receptacle. Left to her own devices her internal organs would have crushed the air out of her lungs and her attempt to be the first of the flock to the here after would have been successful.

Thankfully her guardian angel, yours truly, was on hand to sort her out again, and once the world stopped spinning she boldly went in search of new ways of hurting herself.

Its never boring being a smallholder.

MLS spreads

Geisha used to get MLS, beofre she exploded (goats do this from time to time be warned) but we thought it was peculiar to her and her ANDQ ways. Here's Ambrose struck down by a rogue sunbeam, even a glancing blow can trigger MLS!

Strange things are afoot.....

We have had concerns, ignoring the same sex issue (not that its an issue we are all right on tree huggers here) they are after all from different sides of the gene pool, fur and feathers parted company some way down the evolutionary tree.

But Rupert the goose and Ambrose the ingredients have formed a sort of unholy pact. They are, until nightfall, inseparable, and as night falls because who knows what sort of nocturnal depravity they would get up to and Rupert is on the fox menu (we lost two yesterday, a duck and a cockerel) Rupert is prised from the embrace of his partner and shut in with the rest of the geese.

Left to their own devices, when they think no one is looking, this is what they get up to. Strange things are afoot in the yard of Rock HQ!

The drought ends......for now

The rain sent everything diving for cover today, including us, and at one stage there was quite a collection of animals under the eaves of Rock HQ, perhaps they thought it was an Ark.

Hetty made herself useful by licking the front window clean, the deposits she left behind took the shine off her efforts though. Ambrose who has been released from maximum security by my beautiful and oh so patient, yet too soft to goats wife gave him the born free moment. He totally ruined this by getting into the veg garden and rooting up the new strawberry plants. Suitably chastised he is hiding, once found he is back in the stockade.

As we were confined to barracks we sorted out the pigs. 140 pound of sausage bagged up, belly roasts rolled and stuffed, various offensive looking bits of pig were cooked for the dogs, and as is traditional a nice slice of pork belly was in the pan while the rest of the pig was delicately placed in Mr Whirlpool, who is now back in action thanks to yours truly fixing the fuse box. This had the added effect of fixing the pantry lights, so no more groping in the dark for gin and settling for baked beans.

True to form Pam has refused to deliver little piglets, even though its D-Day (due day) but she seems to have changed shape again, and maybe producing milk. As we have no stool low enough I refrained the urge to milk her, we enough milk in the fridge anyway. Its easier to get it from the Co Op than risk losing your fingers milking a pig.

Goat buster

I was asked again the other day, why do you keep goats?

The above picture shows Archie and Ambrose legging it after being caught vandalising the lemon tree (first year we had the tree we grew 13 use able lemons, 2nd year when we had goats we grew a few shattered twigs).

Bravo broke her tether today and fortunately for all concerned was caught in the vegetable garden before she ate anything other than cumprhey. She took refuge in the empty greenhouse thinking I wouldn't notice her, then tried to run out through the end glass wall in an attempt to evade capture.

Juliet forgot about her tether today and climbed into a small sycamore tree, fell, wrapped her tether around a branch and just managed not to hang herself by standing very upright until I arrived with the branch loppers to free her.

Geisha spilt a bucket of dog food across the yard while Maggie climbed into Fifi for a forensic examination of the rear luggage compartment in search of spilt animal feed.

I have been stung, brambled, bit, fought off horns and generally suffered at the hooves of our herd and in return ended up with zero milk. Again.

So I ask myself, why do I keep goats?

Lifes soundtrack

I don't know why it happens but things I do are usually accompanied by an internal monologue or soundtrack. Today no matter how hard I tried to stop it That's Not My Name by the Ting Tings constantly rattled around my head, every shovelful, every barrow load, that's not my name, that's not my name, even as I type the sound of the keys seem to be in time to the tune.

The only time it stopped was when Ambrose and Archie started singing to me from the cliff at the back of the cottage. Its hard to see whats going on in the film clip, but you can hear it. As I zoomed the camera in you can see the kids playing on the cliff, at least I think they are playing. They came down when it stopped raining so no need for the fire brigade.

This time any way.

Interesting CV

We took Rene our Rx4 to have his tyres changed today and while I struggled with the complex communication techniques of the fitters who avoided eye contact at all costs, grunted or sighed dependent on whether they were being asked a specific question or explaining that Rene had in fact blown his front pipe, I wondered why my shoulders were aching so much today.

Was it as a result of moving so many bales of hay from one end of the smallholding, or perhaps my yet to be patented technique for digging the garden that doesn't involve bending, no I concluded as I drove the recently retired Rx4 back towards Rock HQ, it was because of a new skill I added to my ever expanding CV yesterday.

I am now a goat wrestler.

Now this is very different from the horse whisperer technique you may have heard about, where an unspoken bond between man and beast exists and they communicate and cooperate achieving great feats. No, this is a technique borne from the desperation of trying to keep two young kids alive whilst preventing an irate goat from goring you to death. It basically entails holding said goat by the horns and holding her steady while Ambrose and Archie sneak a quick milk shake. As can be expected Juliet took immediate exception to this restriction of her liberties and the violation of her udder by her nephews and countered my attempts to hold her still while Ambrose and Archie had a little snack by going completely mental. Even with her eyes covered and one of her kids feeding at the same time she managed to sense the deception and stamp all over Ambrose whilst pushing me over the bales of hay strategically placed to conceal the intruders.

Chaos reigned for several minutes as those involved tried to achieve their competing aims until finally the boys were fed, I had asserted my authority and Juliet had inflicted enough damage to her tormentors and we could all relax. The video clip above is taken soon after the event and as can be seen they are all fine.

That Friday Feeling

Its great isn't it, after a busy week, that Friday feeling which for us means the draw bridge is raised and we are spending two days working at Rock HQ. Apart from a small trip to town we will be here fixing and feeding interspersed with watching the timewasters.

Who would have thought that little Ambrose who was a deaths door Monday evening would be so full of energy this evening.

Hes definitely got it.

That Friday feeling!