Monday, 3 February 2014

Must have optional extras

Obviously a water proof dog carrier is de-reiguer this winter. Talking of bikes, as I am wont to do as I have been diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Cycling Disorder (OCCD) by my beautiful and oh so patient wife (I blamed Andy) my break wind and you go faster Boardman speed machine has gone in for a service. Its done nearly 2500 miles in 11 months and creaks a bit at the joints. Steve the bike gave a sharp intake of breath, not at the state of the chain but at the play in the steering bearings, apparently they were shocking and borderline dangerous, hadn't I noticed, of course I had (no). So my bikes in intensive care and should be as good as new next week and I have to avoid looking at all the sale bikes at 66% off just cos its got 2013 colours and its now 2014 cos I don't need a new bike.
Yesterday I realised just how far down the foodchain a cyclist is. Riding through a one horse town like ours is a bit risky as the locals are not the most switched on when it comes to calculating the velocity of a MAMIL bearing down on them, but as it was Sunday (Yesterday) I thought it would be pretty safe maintaining speed along the high street. Cue hippy type female tree hugger with a tangle of Bassets on leads, a Peruvian knitted cap with ear flaps down and i-pod plugged directly into the grubby holes either side of the dimwits head that should have been listening to traffic and not "Didnt we have a lovely time the day we went to Bangor".
Not only did she cross the road as I approached, without looking at all, she then proceeded to walk diagonally across thus maximizing the time I had to gain 70 points worth or road kill (50 pedestrian, 10 per K9) One of us needed to take evasive action and as she was unaware of death by lycra until I shouted "Excuse me madam might I pass" which in the heat of the moment translated to "OI!! DUMBASS!!!" she turned to see yours truly swerving to what would have been oncoming traffic and fending off a mutt that was about to wedge itself into a front wheel. Instead of jumping out of the way she (and I could see it happen on her face) calculated the likelihood of injury to self and poor poochy woochies, calculated correctly that speeding cyclist had a strong sense of self preservation so would take every step to avoid impact, sneered at me and continued to sidle across the road.
Oh to have been an Articulated lorry with airhorns.


Andy_in_Germany said...

"I have been diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Cycling Disorder (OCCD) by my beautiful and oh so patient wife (I blamed Andy)"

At this rate I'll never be able to visit Wales again... Sorry Tracey.

Tony said...

Yes you will. But when you do......