Its a saga now.....

How to dehorn a Dexter, first separate your cow from her friends, ear defenders recommended!

Then persuade her that her chosen path is not correct and the path to enlightenment lies elsewhere!

Next you have to coax her down from the slopes of goatanamo without swearing!

Smile as she wrecks the place during the decent, remember its not her fault she's a Dexter and don't panic at the thought of 250 gallons of water cascading down the yard. . Spend best part of day repeating various elements of this routine. Then remember an old tale you read about how Tigers were lured into traps with a live goat. Copy this method exactly and feel smug at the result as foolish Dexter falls for such a simple ploy.

Try not to cry when the vet phones up and apologises that he will not be able to come out and play today as a neighbours Llama feels anxious as it has a tangle in its wool so needs urgent medical attention. Release goat and Dexter and prepare for round 2.

A new species

The sun shone on the light dusting of snow this morning and as Tracey had been superwoman yesterday doing everything on account she married a wimp who hurt himself lifting a paint brush over his head, said wimp decided to let sleeping beauty lie in while he set about the smallholding morning routine, his good mood buoyed up by the fantastic winter morning. Even the antics of goats could not wipe a smile from wimps face as he knew their replacement was being visited later on, Hetty the Dexter Cow. This is her, closest to the camera with her mum and her little sister calf stood watching.

The goats were a smallholders compromise we made, thinking small animal, small amount of milk in return for bed and board, rather than a large animal like a cow, large amounts of food and buckets of milk that we could not use. There was also half a plan to have the billy kids accommodated in MrWhirlpool next to the pigs, deer and poultry that already rest in pieces. The lambs have so far been spared this fate on account they are so small, so cute, usually missing when a decision is made that it is time for the chop (over the hills and far away) or cunningly having been medicated thus rendering them safe from human consumption for 56 days. Bitter experience with goats has led to a lack of vegetables, a vandalised tomato house, a leaking roof, damaged cars and bruises whenever any attempt was made to extract milk from them. Having thoroughly outstayed their welcome they are in the exit lounge until some mug, er... keen amateur wants to take them on.

Hetty on the other hand will be a different challenge, and never one to shy away from challenges Tracey has been volunteered to tame the beast and train it so it can provide the inhabitants of Rock HQ with assorted dairy products. All being well Hetty will pass her TB test which will mean that we can move her here. The plan at the moment is that she will live the life of luxury chomping on hay and other cow goodies before being introduced to the bull. This will then lead to Hetty Mk2 being born, like in the picture at the top, how cute is that calf.

Once Hetty Mk2 is here we will then have milk, half of which the calf will drink, but as the milk yield is around 1.5 to 2.5 gallons of moo juice a day there should be sufficient for all here. She will also produce around two gallons of pooh a day, quite what we are going to do with this additional resource has yet to be decided. Hetty Mk2 will be for beef, no matter how cute it is, and so this little Dexter is a welcome new species at Rock HQ. They are a very docile breed and most usefully, considering the terrain and weather here, very hardy. A cow bell is top of the list of must have accessories, just in case the horns don't work.

Speaking of which she doesn't look the docile and friendly type in this picture, she looks more like paw the ground, snort, charge and gore you to death type. I also have my suspicions as to why Tracey insisted on buying me a red cape.

Its mine!

Five goats proving just how interesting an empty bucket is!

Adventure playground!

I don't know what greets you when you get home but how about this! The goats obviously see the house as an extension of the cliff and were having a wonderful time racing around, jumping up and down, dislodging tiles and fertilising the moss.

Goats, more trouble than a barrow load of rats!

Breaking news

Today I had to fight my way through the paparazzi camped at the bottom of the lane, one of the minor inconveniences when you provide bed and board for a world famous Cult leader, Trevor the shitland pony. His small horse syndrome reached new heights last night when in an obvious attempt to gain attention tried to play football with a hen and then when chastised bit the finger of the chastiser. If the photographers thought they were going to get a free shot of Trevor they were disappointed. He hid in the back of the stable reading the latest copy of The Hereford Times where there is s feature about his pampered life at Rock HQ. His fan base grows, those that look on facebook for Trevor Shetland may be allowed to become cult members if they ask nicely.

Apollo, seen above, on the other hand decided that it was about time he got some attention and has learned to run and break wind at the same time, a great trick that will no doubt keep him entertained for years.

We were very impressed by the press coverage, a two page spread with lots of photos, a big thanks to Jess and Dave for braving the mud at Rock HQ when they came over to see Trevor a few weeks ago.

Breaking news?

Lots really, pig club has another member and Geisha's footrot is almost cured, but theres more.

We have a family group of goats arriving tomorrow, an offer we couldn't refuse. The credit crunch means smallholders are having a tough time, our feed bill is some 40% more expensive per month and that's not because our tribe of animals keeps growing! So a local chap is selling up having found work miles away it means he has to clear out his animals.

So for a few beans and half a gourd we get three nanny goats, a challenge at the best of times, but two of which are about to give birth. They will be housed in Goatanamo until we establish who is in charge.

All I have to do now is build a new goat house.

Oh and reclaim the dairy from Trevor who currently views it as his crib.

Second thoughts build a new dairy, its easier and less costly both emotionally and physically.

Hell hath no fury like a shitland on the rampage.

While you were out!

This is the scene that greeted us as we got back from work tonight. Our lovely leafy lane has been vandalised by the electricity board. They have removed 50 metres of trees from one side of the lane including a huge beech tree. This is so it wont interfere with the electricity supply. Now we hadn't actually noticed any interference and the first we knew that this was taking place was when The Oracle told us as we got back that the electricity board were trimming trees in the area.

This is trimming! Goats cause less damage!

Now I am sure we will get used to the new panoramic view but its a bit much that people can turn up to your homestead and without a by or leave so drastically re arrange your environment. Its not as if it was done with any care, the far end there is still half a tree standing leaning right over our lane at a most precarious angle.

Hopefully there will be some good to come out of this, the wood that they cut will burn nicely once dried out and once I retrieve it from the field.

Lets hope our neighbour doesn't get it first!

Goats behaving badly

Its been a miserable day, but with lighter moments like this one, Maggie falling over as she tries to get the leaves from the branches above her.

Do not get a goat if you want something to eat grass, they wont touch it. Ornamental trees they love. Maggie will clear branches off trees height of about six foot. Whether you want her too or not.

In case you were thinking of getting a goat....

Some pictures to show you what lovely animals they are.

They sit on your car and wait patiently for you.

They love patio furniture.

In fact they climb on or jump over most things, then they get stuck. They cry like babies if they are left alone.

You have to love them or they would be curry!