Not in my backyard

 As yours truly wended his way along the track after a hard day at the office (trying to access emails) my ponderings of how best to disentangle an excited three year old from a scalextric set was rudely interrupted by the presence of the PGOOR who had struck again allowing unfettered access from the common to the militias lands. Amongst the wooly backs busily munching the greenery were two familiar faces from our little flockers.
As I stopped Gerry and dismounted the difficulty of extricating two rampaging ryelands from 100 plus militias trainee lamb chops magnified when the militias sheep did what any sensible sheep would do when faced with an irate fat block trying to round up two of their species, they legged it as fast as possible. Now sheep being sheep like, the two insurgent Ryelands now faced with a choice of run after the many or stand their ground and wait for fat bloke began to make the wrong choice and gravitated downhill after the seething mass of running wool.
Feigning disinterest I "ran" up the track and "jumped" the stock fence between the divided lands, before running at an angle that would have made Pythagoras proud and intercepted my two sheep as they tried to make good their escape. Puzzled by the sudden appearance of yours truly to their front (when last seen wheezing to the rear) the naughty sheep turned tail and managed to find the gate (one ran into the fence on her first attempt) taking shelter on the Bonsai Mountain.

Once everyone's pulse rate returned to normal yours truly went for a stroll around the perimeter. Tomorrow more tales of Heidi. (The Ghost)

My left foot

Things have a habit of going missing when you share a house with Bernese Mountain Dogs and Heidi (the ghost that hides things) Today I was struggling to find my left wellington, an essential when there is a lake of mud around the cottage. Making do with my beautiful and oh so patient wife's pair (several sizes too small) I set off around the Bonsai mountain on a recce to find suitable hiding places for "treasure" for our planned first annual Bernese Mountain Dog treasure hunt next summer. I explored a new section of the ridge, found several suitable locations within easy reach of an air ambulance and in The Cauldron found this item filling with rain water. One of the usual suspects can be seen leaving the scene of the crime.

Heidi strikes again

Our pet ghost struck again yesterday, the missing bank card turned up where yours truly had last seen it, more or less, give or take 100 miles and 45 centimetres. I had left it, I was certain, in the centre console of Vic. No amount of searching Vic by my beautiful and oh so patient wife revealed where I had put it, and as the house keys were also missing (see previous Heidi post) it was attributed to our mischievous Heidi ghost. New bank card arrived, all was well yesterday apart from having to drive across the county with a sat nav with a sense of humour who for a whole 35 minutes kept me 4.3 miles from my destination, no matter how many turn rights I did. During this episode I had pull into a layby to answer a call of nature behind a hedge. On my return the bank card was situated as above. Now Vic has been driven by both myself and the patient one several times since the card went, and as it was so clean it wasn't buried in the mud on the mats. So, logical explanations on a postcard please!

One thing after another

Its been a Sam and everything day, one small disaster after another which looking back will be funny but all have served to create mayhem here at Rock HQ. First light there was a very loud Moo, my shell likes detected that the utterer of the Moo was a lot closer to Rock HQ than she should be and definitely the wrong side of the cottage from where she was left. Yes Hetty was now back in the garden having jumped two fences and negotiated an open gate (left open not by the PGOOR but by the SAS) and was loudly complaining of the bullying antics of the Pocket Rocket who had forced her from the breakfast table. Time was too short to sort her or him out so she was fed and told to get on with life until naughty pony was spoken to about sharing.

First light also provided an opportunity to find bank card, bank card loss is serious matter but as it was lost between Vic and front door its unlikely that empty bank account is going to be further depleted by ner do wells. It was high on the embarrassing factor though as bank card was new bank card replaced by bank after I had lost first one in car park in town a few weeks ago. This set off a real comedy of errors as bank replaced lost card by posting new one to old address, several visits to bank where I explained carefully that I lived where they sent my bank statements and could I please have my new card, not to a house I used to live in five years ago. This was then sent but no pin number, that was sent to old house too, twice, finally new card arrived, old number failed to work it, new card seized, new card, new number arrived, both at right house but new number failed to buy petrol as new number needs to be activated at banks cashpoint, as no banks cashpoint is in our town (two horse towns don't need a choice of cashpoints) cannot activate card but can draw cash from other banks machine, no real problem except now lost new card. Goat eaten card is likely scenario as evil beast followed me around but feel less than inclined to report animal consuming plastic to bank so after long and pointless search under gloating scrutiny of evil horned beast decide to fess up and report I need new card to bank.

The bank card pales in insignificance compared to the lost keys saga. Front door key is kept where I cannot lose it, in the front door. Yesterday while looking for bank card found self shut out of HQ. Beautiful and oh so patient wife let muddy SOHF monster in mumbling about goats and cashpoints and dutifully joined in search for card and keys. No keys. This morning after three hours were expended on searching for keys and similar on card I was stood by kettle making refreshing beverage pondering how do we get cash from bank to buy new locks when a stifled cry from beautiful and oh so patient one alerted me to strange turn of events. Keys had now been found, centre of dining table, next to my car key and glasses. Now how two people managed to miss keys centre of well lit table, next to car key and glasses, a table that I checked several times is a mystery. Tracey is not prone to practical jokes, I am, but I know better than to play one that wastes so much of my true loves precious time so neither of us were responsible. That leaves only one explanation, Heidi the ghost. Heidi does exactly what her name suggests, she hides things. So far bank card has not been returned but we were grateful for the keys.

The SAS launched a joint attack on the large metal object in the kitchen we laughingly refer to as a cooker. The two highly trained SAS operatives frightened the rayburn into submission and it roared into life. They left, so did its cooperation and its back to sulking in the kitchen refusing to bake beans. They also left gate open see top of page for consequence.

Faced with sandwiches again I was stood contemplating ham or fish and just mentioned to patient one that at least nothing else could go wrong. It was at that point six black and white rabbits hopped past the kitchen window followed closely by a small pig.