Just watching

I am officially a fat knacker. In my head I can still play squash like I used to years ago, moving across the court with the grace of a gazelle and the speed of Billy Whizz, smashing my opponent into submission. So this morning against Tracey's better judgement I rose to Ben's challenge, the gauntlet was down, and it was time to teach the youngster a lesson in manners on the court by batting the ball around. Like Gladiators, to the arena to the sound of the compere from Rocky (playing on my phone) I knew the time for words was over, the time for fighting was now, there could be only one winner. A desperate hour and twenty minutes followed where I tried to remember how to play, wondered if I needed glasses to play, collided with the back wall, had Ben run full speed into my space age left arm (acutely painful but I didn't cry, much) and got hit by a ball travelling at light speed off Ben's racket as he mistook my bulk for the wall. The impact consequently caused me to career around for a few minutes clutching my side with as much composure as a wounded rhino. Eventually the torture ended and I was allowed to slope off and lick my wounds and wonder if I could still move enough to drive home.

.

En route I had to call and see Stuart and collect the rest of my pig. The mountain of bacon on the counter apparently all belonged to me. The pigs were 90kg per side, as our biggest pig to date had been 92 kg there was considerably more meat than I had anticipated and the afternoon has been spent scouring the classified ads for freezers and fridges. Tracey spotted an advert for a pedigree Berkshire sow in pig for sale but even with the speed dial setting we were pipped at the post, someone had just bought the sow, someone called Stable Sprite who is getting a bit carried away with his Bershire obsession.
Rocky decided to help guard the meat (the black plastic bin contains the two back legs, the lid only just fitted) in Rene as I carried it in. This wasn't entirely altruistic as he had already spotted the open bag of monster pork scratchings.