Chicken Licken uncut

So there we were, in glorious sunshine on a bank holiday, stood in our yard doing what smallholders who own more than their fair share of horses do on such a day, cleaning horses private parts. Trevor, the smallest and most leery looking during this thankless task was, to my mind, putting far too much effort into stretching the process out and dogs drinking out of buckets and running off with dirty sponges failed to speed things up.

Probably not the best of times then, when gripping a vital part of a pony who, on a good day has the temperament to match Genghis Khan's, to suddenly find you are subject of a nature talk, given by an 80 year old grandmother to her two grandchildren, who were, if their facial expressions were anything to go by, about to feint/be sick/run away as, in their world for want of a better explanation, the nasty man pulled a snake out of a small horse who was lashed helplessly to a feed ring. I let go of the offending article's offensive weapon as I greeted the unexpected guest and her charges who were now cowering behind her wide eyed. She always brings the children round she explained, its like a fairy tale this place, she waved at the chaos of our smallholding. "Your animals are so sweet ar'nt they". Trevor grinned evilly, she clearly didn't know him.
"I mean look," her wavering high pitched eulogy continued for mine and the smalls benefit, "they get on so well, they all mix together, I tell them, (she pointed to the trembling children) its like Chicken Licken this place, first you see a chicken, then a duck, a goose and then they all come along and just get bigger, a goat and these lovely horses its so wonderful,!" She punctuated eat animal on the list with a jab of her walking stick. "Like a story book, come on then kids, back for dinner you have to feed them (she was now talking to the world in general but poking at the children with the stick) they eat so much you know, already had two breakfasts and one lunch and its not tea time yet!" she waved her stick in goodbye as she shuffled after her fleeing children who were really keen to get away. Probably excited about Grandma reading them a bedtime story. One that has psychopathic miniature horses in it. And snakes.