In the nick of time

You really never know what to expect here. Take today, the finest, sunniest day of the year and I am out in the sweltering heat with two faithful dogs at my heel, well within 500 metres give or take, and as I round the track from the Cauldron along the boundary of the holiday cottage which is always empty, some poor woman thought she was really in the wilderness and most unlikely to see anyone this time of day so decided to top up her tan. I read somewhere that when we blush we think its confined to our faces as our clothing hides the rest of it. So as I cheerily said hello I can now confirm that naked people do blush all over and can run very quickly indoors if they have a mind to.
I had other things on my mind rather than naked holiday makers. Geisha our goat had been missing all day, failed to check in with the sheep for breakfast. Now she might have the brains of Houdini when it comes to locks and bolts, but she gets her sense of direction from Mark Thatcher. The most likely scenario was that she had fallen asleep, the sheep had woken up early and left her on the hill. She wakes up all alone, spots a woolly back on the hill and heads straight to its side, then finds its the wrong one and very soon is lost.

It was lucky for this sheep that this happened today. Way up on the hill side I could see this dead sheep, legs in the air, bloating in the sun. Now it was hot, and it was a long way up to go and see a corpse so I was on the point of walking on when I spotted some earthworks below her. Curiosity got the better of me and soon I was amongst a huge set of holes in the ground, one big enough for Pip the mental collie to get down. Foxes. So the sheep must be dinner. Handy. So as the sheep was now only 50 metres away I better get its tag number and inform whoever it is that they are deficit one woolly back. Just as I got to her a back leg waved at me. The poor beast had got herself caught in brambles, almost choking herself and wrapped around a leg, there she hung on the hillside, slowly roasting. Luckily for her I was there, unluckily for us both I forgot my boy scout training and had left my knife behind. There followed a fifteen minute struggle with brambles, curious dogs, ungrateful sheep and gravity, but in the end I won and she was free. Free to knock me over in her effort to get away but I am sure she was grateful.

This Muppet was found a mile further on, very pleased to see me and followed me all the way home. Back in time for tea and medals again.