As you like it

There was a time when I took pigs to the slaughter house without really knowing what I was going to get back. Pork obviously, but how? In what form, how many different ways are there to chop up a pig. Well lots.
In the confused state of a smallholder ridden with guilt as he has just bid a final farewell to his pride and joy as they innocently grunt their appreciation not knowing that in the next minute or so they will be in the great celestial sty, a butcher who resembles Phil Mitchell on steroids barking the names of choice cuts of meat at you is likely to make as much sense as Nick Clegg cosying up to David Cameron. So in the end you just agree with barking butcher and collect your poor pigs who are now a meat version of an Airfix kit in numerous bags and once home you carefully piece the beasts back together and work out which bit went where and realise that all your hard work has now been reduced to a pile of unrecognisable lumps by an over zealous knife wielder.
Repeat trips, trial and error, research and talking to other hapless smallholders who all have freezers full of over/under sized joints and mince means that eventually you can beat the butcher at his own game and tell them exactly how you would like your carcass presented, and if push comes to shove even provide a diagram complete with dotted lines to show that you or your pig are not to be messed with.
So final preparations are underway for the OSB's to become part of the food chain. Having endured the butchers sense of humour regarding pork joints I am able to specify whats needed. Luckily the Stable Sprite was the one delivering the instructions so if any one was going to get hurt by a tetchy butcher it wasn't going to be me. I thought it was straightforward enough. Two pigs, both backs to be boned for bacon, spare rib chops thick cut from both, the tenderloins from both, two legs boned and rolled for gammons, two shoulders and two legs minced for home made burgers and sausage, the rest, two shoulders, the belly's and all the other useful bits turned into sausage, fine minced with lots of seasoning.
Stuart and Kevin the butchers read the instructions in silence. Stable Sprite texted me their response. Did I want them to cook it for me as well.