Cat Nav

Our Tabby cat Earl has been missing for over a week, he has done this once before and turned up weeks later looking very thin and very happy to be home. Yesterday we went looking for the awol mog, centering our search around one of the holiday homes on the premise that stupid cat searching for free food might have got himself in the the temporary neighbours and then after they had gone, not got out again. Our search was fruitless, er, I mean cat less, no ulterior motive honest and so we returned to Rock HQ and pondered his whereabouts, down a rabbit hole, in a foxes stomach and so on. We hoped he was alive and kicking, if not, then that he was giving whoever it was that had him a hard time, at the very least indigestion.

First thing (well not quite, but its dramatic licence) as I was preparing the first brew of the day and thanking the small god of not gone off milk (fridge has died, replacement not here til weekend, keeping milk fresh has been a problem, how do you like your coffee one lump of milk or two?) for allowing this morning ritual to pass without cheesey beverages there was a loud bang from the utility room and a supersonic ball of tabby fur rolled into the kitchen before springing to his feet and giving the cat equivalent of "TaaDaaah!"

Earl was home. Half a pint of almost fresh milk and some past its human eating by minced beef was devoured in record time before he sat and announced to all who would listen his wondrous stories. As none of us speak cat we just welcomed his yowling and he in turn took on limpet like qualities and stuck to one of us all day. He is presently asleep with several Berners who also missed him. Not sure where he had got too, a farm house across the valley is having building work done, maybe he got stuck in there. Today was the first time this week they returned to the job. Or maybe hes just a cat that gets lost easily, maybe his Cat Nav is broken.

Ever get the feeling you are being watched? We were tonight, if you look closely you will by whom.

Zoomed in slightly the fox is clearly visible in the rocks above Rock HQ, unfortunately its killed again.

We cant tell you who the casualty is as the next of kin have yet to be informed. They may have to turn vegetarian for Christmas dinner.

However there was a real surprise waiting for us in the yard, the meowing from under the car revealed a very thin tabby cat called Earl! Missing from HQ since the 28th of July, presumed eaten by the fox. By the look of him he has been shut in somewhere, managed to survive and made his way home when he found a way out. Poor lad hadn't stopped eating or meowing how happy he is since he got back.

Return of the Famous Five

Bernese Mountain Dogs are adorable, you can never have enough, we now have five!

Our friends across the valley have gone to Cyprus for a couple of weeks and so the tally of animals at Rock HQ has increased by three canines as their owners take a well earned break in the sunshine.

Ben, our son travels out to his barracks there tomorrow where he assumes command of an infantry platoon, his lifelong ambition to be be an officer achieved.

Meanwhile life at the Rock continues with its strange mix of companions and lodging Berners.

Steve the electrician tried his best to get some more work done on the weird and wonderful electrical system of our home. The work needs doing as at present its dark by half seven and trying to get all jobs done by nightfall really is a race against time so having reliable outside lights will make our evenings a much more leisurely affair and as we progress to winter when its barely light enough to do the rounds before we go to work it will be just great to turn the lights on and get on with it.

Steve would probably get along much quicker if he wasn't hampered in his pursuit of electrical perfection at every turn by our antiquated wiring and our inquisitive goats. In the time it took me to hand him a much needed coffee he had to turf the goats out of the tack room twice, disentangle one from the wiring loom waiting to be permanently fixed to the wall and retrieve a very complicated techno gizmo box of tricks that looked hideously expensive from a very curious anglo nubian.

Its hard to explain the effect having the Famous Five in the house, two Bernese Mountain Dogs lying on the floor take up a lot of room, or sofa space, so five of them, each weighing between 45 and 55 kilogrammes, well that's a lot of canine willpower. They tend to do what they want, and luckily they are a very placid breed so problems are few and far between.

I'm not sure Earl, pictured above, our tabby who launched himself skyward when he discovered the big dog bearing down on him was not his usual tame Berner but a more boisterous version and who, despite the rain, point blank refused to come down until all mutleys were safely contained indoors would agree that having the extra dogs causes no problems.

Mind you the picture does show how good the sanding is going!

Top cat chilling out

This is Earl taking it easy after breakfast.

Two Cats packed like sardines

The missing picture of Cosmo and Earl.

Natural Born Killers

Take a look at these two cats in the picture above, butter would find it hard to melt wouldn't it. This is Cosmo and Earl, Cosmo is the one with white bits, both huddled up in the cat box in the kitchen at Rock HQ.

Cosmo came from Charlies, she runs a pet rescue place that is hard to come away from visiting without a new member of our clan. Earl is from Aunty Jill's, she has a lovely farm Staffordshire way which I am loathe to visit as inevitably our visit coincides with a litter of kittens that just have to have homes and we end up with one. I would like to blame Tracey for this but I just cannot see a homeless tabby cat without wanting to adopt it.

Birdsong is a feature of Rock HQ. It is always commented on, how loud, how many different songs and the fact that its non stop, dawn til dusk the little birdies sing their hearts out. To reward their efforts we set out a lavish banquet on the bird table, particularly in the harsh winter months. So our bird population flourishes. Its also diverse, Redstarts, Nuthatches, Lesser Spotted Woodpeckers, are just a few. I frequently entertain my family with calls to come and see the Great Tits in the garden.

Then the cats appear. We have four, Black Cat and Nemo make up the numbers, Black Cat so named as she was called Molly until I sent her to the vet to be spayed and found she was a he and needed a new name. Stuck for a name Black Cat stuck as a name instead of a description. Nemo is the laziest cat in the history of domesticated cats, even Garfield would cringe at some of his lazy habits.

Anyway last night I saw Nemo on the cottage roof watching something. Thinking he was watching the Wisteria grow I left him to it.

This morning I was alerted to the panic cry of birds at the back of the house. Opening the back bedroom window I saw Cosmo in the Wisteria approaching a nest with malice aforethought. A cup of water got his attention and he descended tail twitching and in a foul temper at the sudden drenching. The nest was saved. A closer look, as close as I dared lean out of an upstairs window, the nest appeared empty. A thrush flew to the branches on my right and cocked its head on one side, eying me with suspicion before flying off.

Confident I had saved a catastrophic killing I went about my jobs. Less than half an hour later I saw Black Cat, Cosmo, Earl and Nemo all huddled in knot at the base of the Wisteria. Each had a large Thrush chick in its mouth. They scattered in four directions, well three, Nemo gave up without a fight, the effort required to keep his victim was just too much for him to contemplate so he let me have it.

The bird survived, its fellows were not so fortunate, they supplemented the crunchy cat food diet our boys get.

I put the bird in a cake tin, it was the first large receptacle that came to hand, and once I was sure it was OK I put it on the inside windowsill in the back bedroom.

An hour later it had gone.

In the tree with its parents hopefully, not eaten by these two.

Top cat

Rock's Top Cat.

You can see why.

The joy of cats

Having stated in previous postings that this smallholding can ill afford any hangers on, that is to say, each resident must contribute to the production of the smallholding to justify their food ration, I do wonder why we have cats. My dinner has just been found under the dining room table with three out of four of our cats sat at various points in the dining room trying to look innocent but each looking extremely self satisfied and full of Rabbit that was de frosting on the kitchen worktop whilst I was outside creating a creep feeder for the lambs.

A creep feeder is basically a large wooden crate designed to keep sheep out and let lambs in to eat the special rations for the little ones. This wonder of wood is already on the second version because as we installed it Easter crashed into it like a battering Ram intent on getting at the Lamb food inside. Having anticipated this would happen I was confident it would hold out against the onslaught, what I hadn’t counted on was the smallholding rule that states all animals can get through a hole half the size you expect them to. So somehow she managed to squeeze her massive bulk, and she is the biggest Ryeland ewe we have, all the others have lost weight due to raising their lambs (Easter abandoned hers, but that’s all written down elsewhere), into the confines of the crate and scoffed most of the goodies inside.

Now considerably larger than when she went in she added to the difficulties of getting out by choosing a different gap than the one she entered by. Stuck fast she started to panic, as did Tracey and I, but for different reasons, Tracey because she thought the daft beast was going to hurt itself, me because I could see the result of a couple of hours sawing and hammering being reduced to matchwood before my very eyes. Easter dug deep and started to push the crate up the hill, quite an achievement as it took two of us to lift it into place. I had tried to keep it lightweight but as I was building it I kept adding reinforcing spars and planks, just to make sure it was robust enough, forgetting that it would have to be carried into place by Tracey and myself.

I scrambled over the fence in time to stop Easter demolishing the whole thing and much to our relief she managed to break free by only breaking the wooden bars on the front. These have now been replaced and the sheep can’t get in, but the lambs can. So can the ducks, chickens, geese and Faith the Gordon setter who all set about eating the second lot of feed.

We returned to the cottage to get a sandwich and a drink before tackling some jobs in the garden, which was when we discovered the cat burglars.

We are owned by four cats, a huge Ginger Tom called Nemo, whom is without doubt the laziest feline ever created. He has been found face down in a sack of cat dried cat food having eaten his fill, his whole weight on his face pressing into sack, front feet hanging limp by his sides sleeping off his gorging. Whilst the others are out hunting in the day he waits to be fed. We once found him sat with a dead squirrel, the hapless rodent must’ve died of fright and fell out of the tree as there is no way he could have caught it otherwise. He was good at catching tin cans when he had a magnetic identification collar, he would sort through the recycling boxes looking for tasty morsels missed and in doing so would later be found with numerous tins and lids stuck to his neck.

There is Black Cat, he was always thought to be a lady cat but when she went to the vet to be spayed she was found to be a he and so came back without his furry purse and needing a new name, temporarily he was called black cat, that was two years ago so we have plenty of time to choose a new name for him. We also have two tabby’s, Earl and Cosmo. Earl is a full tabby, he is in the picture above, whilst Cosmo has white socks. We also had a female cat called Jess but she took a detour through the woods at the end of our lane as there were cows in the field directly in front of the cottage. She never made it back; we assume a very brave fox had her.

Cosmo and Earl are the biggest worktop surfers and are often seen dragging my dinner through the cat flap. A war was declared and the cats and I are involved in skirmishes from time to time which usually result in them spending time outside while the wounds I got on my hands carrying them to the door heal. What usually follows is a period of uneasy peace, some very stealthy raids on their part that go unseen but their little paw prints are a dead giveaway, as are the open cupboards and missing butter, or cheese, in fact anything that takes their fancy. They test the kitchens defenses but are very quick to resume “sleeping” or cleaning each other once they hear anyone approach making out that they would never dream of jumping up on the worktop and rush off with the very expensive steak that is cooked to perfection but cant be served as you had to answer the phone. As Tracey has banned me from rigging up booby traps for them, preferably the ones that explode, I have to wait and catch them in the act if I want to give them any aversion therapy regarding theft of food.

The three were sat around my rabbit, which I shot last year, and which I was looking forward to slow roasting in a spicy tomato and red onion sauce a hearty supper to reward a long day outside. After these three had finished with it even the dogs turned their noses up at it as it looked so unappetizing. The cats saw my demeanor and instantly took off, three cats trying to get through a standard size cat flap all at the same time is quite funny. They managed to get out without injuring themselves and then sat at various strategic points in the garden just to let me know they weren’t bothered at the upset they had caused once again. I stamped around cursing them and making threats to their welfare should they ever come within arms reach.

Nemo must have heard the commotion and realized the human he owned was having a sense of humour failure over his fellow feline’s lack of respect. Using his cat intuition he must have known the writing was on the wall and took it on himself to restore the uneasy truce that previously existed between man and cat. Never having done so before he decided to demonstrate what an important contribution he and his fellows make to the smooth operation of Rock HQ.

He has caught a mouse.

Very slowly he walked past the honour guard of cats and dogs to Rock HQ’s main entrance; they all watched his progress with interest as he carried his awkward and heavy load. He walked into the kitchen and very carefully deposited the mouse on the floor with in front of the fridge and sat back and awaited our response. It was one of complete amazement; our ginger cat had never brought in a mouse before. He sensed our gratitude and went back into the conservatory for a lie down.

I picked up the rodents corpse and released it from the mousetrap.

As I took the trap back to the workshop to re set it by the animal food stores I realized Nemo has taken his laziness to a new level.