The joy of cats

Having stated in previous postings that this smallholding can ill afford any hangers on, that is to say, each resident must contribute to the production of the smallholding to justify their food ration, I do wonder why we have cats. My dinner has just been found under the dining room table with three out of four of our cats sat at various points in the dining room trying to look innocent but each looking extremely self satisfied and full of Rabbit that was de frosting on the kitchen worktop whilst I was outside creating a creep feeder for the lambs.

A creep feeder is basically a large wooden crate designed to keep sheep out and let lambs in to eat the special rations for the little ones. This wonder of wood is already on the second version because as we installed it Easter crashed into it like a battering Ram intent on getting at the Lamb food inside. Having anticipated this would happen I was confident it would hold out against the onslaught, what I hadn’t counted on was the smallholding rule that states all animals can get through a hole half the size you expect them to. So somehow she managed to squeeze her massive bulk, and she is the biggest Ryeland ewe we have, all the others have lost weight due to raising their lambs (Easter abandoned hers, but that’s all written down elsewhere), into the confines of the crate and scoffed most of the goodies inside.

Now considerably larger than when she went in she added to the difficulties of getting out by choosing a different gap than the one she entered by. Stuck fast she started to panic, as did Tracey and I, but for different reasons, Tracey because she thought the daft beast was going to hurt itself, me because I could see the result of a couple of hours sawing and hammering being reduced to matchwood before my very eyes. Easter dug deep and started to push the crate up the hill, quite an achievement as it took two of us to lift it into place. I had tried to keep it lightweight but as I was building it I kept adding reinforcing spars and planks, just to make sure it was robust enough, forgetting that it would have to be carried into place by Tracey and myself.

I scrambled over the fence in time to stop Easter demolishing the whole thing and much to our relief she managed to break free by only breaking the wooden bars on the front. These have now been replaced and the sheep can’t get in, but the lambs can. So can the ducks, chickens, geese and Faith the Gordon setter who all set about eating the second lot of feed.

We returned to the cottage to get a sandwich and a drink before tackling some jobs in the garden, which was when we discovered the cat burglars.

We are owned by four cats, a huge Ginger Tom called Nemo, whom is without doubt the laziest feline ever created. He has been found face down in a sack of cat dried cat food having eaten his fill, his whole weight on his face pressing into sack, front feet hanging limp by his sides sleeping off his gorging. Whilst the others are out hunting in the day he waits to be fed. We once found him sat with a dead squirrel, the hapless rodent must’ve died of fright and fell out of the tree as there is no way he could have caught it otherwise. He was good at catching tin cans when he had a magnetic identification collar, he would sort through the recycling boxes looking for tasty morsels missed and in doing so would later be found with numerous tins and lids stuck to his neck.

There is Black Cat, he was always thought to be a lady cat but when she went to the vet to be spayed she was found to be a he and so came back without his furry purse and needing a new name, temporarily he was called black cat, that was two years ago so we have plenty of time to choose a new name for him. We also have two tabby’s, Earl and Cosmo. Earl is a full tabby, he is in the picture above, whilst Cosmo has white socks. We also had a female cat called Jess but she took a detour through the woods at the end of our lane as there were cows in the field directly in front of the cottage. She never made it back; we assume a very brave fox had her.

Cosmo and Earl are the biggest worktop surfers and are often seen dragging my dinner through the cat flap. A war was declared and the cats and I are involved in skirmishes from time to time which usually result in them spending time outside while the wounds I got on my hands carrying them to the door heal. What usually follows is a period of uneasy peace, some very stealthy raids on their part that go unseen but their little paw prints are a dead giveaway, as are the open cupboards and missing butter, or cheese, in fact anything that takes their fancy. They test the kitchens defenses but are very quick to resume “sleeping” or cleaning each other once they hear anyone approach making out that they would never dream of jumping up on the worktop and rush off with the very expensive steak that is cooked to perfection but cant be served as you had to answer the phone. As Tracey has banned me from rigging up booby traps for them, preferably the ones that explode, I have to wait and catch them in the act if I want to give them any aversion therapy regarding theft of food.

The three were sat around my rabbit, which I shot last year, and which I was looking forward to slow roasting in a spicy tomato and red onion sauce a hearty supper to reward a long day outside. After these three had finished with it even the dogs turned their noses up at it as it looked so unappetizing. The cats saw my demeanor and instantly took off, three cats trying to get through a standard size cat flap all at the same time is quite funny. They managed to get out without injuring themselves and then sat at various strategic points in the garden just to let me know they weren’t bothered at the upset they had caused once again. I stamped around cursing them and making threats to their welfare should they ever come within arms reach.

Nemo must have heard the commotion and realized the human he owned was having a sense of humour failure over his fellow feline’s lack of respect. Using his cat intuition he must have known the writing was on the wall and took it on himself to restore the uneasy truce that previously existed between man and cat. Never having done so before he decided to demonstrate what an important contribution he and his fellows make to the smooth operation of Rock HQ.

He has caught a mouse.

Very slowly he walked past the honour guard of cats and dogs to Rock HQ’s main entrance; they all watched his progress with interest as he carried his awkward and heavy load. He walked into the kitchen and very carefully deposited the mouse on the floor with in front of the fridge and sat back and awaited our response. It was one of complete amazement; our ginger cat had never brought in a mouse before. He sensed our gratitude and went back into the conservatory for a lie down.

I picked up the rodents corpse and released it from the mousetrap.

As I took the trap back to the workshop to re set it by the animal food stores I realized Nemo has taken his laziness to a new level.