Blown away

It was a bit of a shock on return from a resupply trip to find the phone engineers had been here already and fixed the downed line. This meant we were back in touch with the world for all of 3 nano seconds as the shock of the phone being fixed was nothing in comparison to it actually ringing which led to Bear, the usually sedate Berner, launching himself at Mach speed across the room, away from phone he was casually lying on (don't ask!) and breaking the phone line. New trip to town to buy new internal phone line is planned for the morrow.
Main reason for being in town today was to be Agnesed, which is where a diminutive Scottish Osteopath fixes me so I can carry on hurting myself. Focus of attention today was my diaphragm which for reasons unknown to yours truly keeps cramping. As I was prodded the usual banter changed to an enquiry if the bruising up my right side might be the cause of the cramps. This is where I had to confess to the latest self harm episode where in an effort not to wake my beautiful and oh so patient wife as I went to bed I gallantly decided to do without turning on the bedroom light despite carrying a jug of water and a small cup of milk. As I negotiated the foot of the bed and turned to my side the fact that I had forgotten that I had removed the drawers from my wardrobe and placed them in a stack by my bedside became apparent as I was felled like a tree and landed face down amidst water mild and broken ceramics. Unlike a tree that isn't seen when it falls, me not being seen did not mean I did not make a noise. The sound of me hitting the deck was loud enough to wake the whole household. It was that or the sound of MBAOSPW laughing.
As the cramp had been present prior to fall it was decided that the reason for my bruised and cramping diaphragm was the consequence of the cough I have had.
I told you I was ill.