Kamikaze Sparrows

Theres been a bit of a saga here at Rock HQ the last 10 days.Vic the Volvo began to display some disturbing symptoms which made him interesting to drive to say the least, especially on a downhill right turn when he, to all intents and purposes, died. The sudden loss of engine meant the power steering failed, interesting bordering on exciting, while the lack of brakes due to no servo assistance added to the ambiance and created a certain amount of hysteria amongst my passengers and the elderly couple who's Yorkshire Terrier was in the kill zone as we headed straight for the patch of pavement the tiny pooch occupied. Thankfully collision with all soft squishy and hard objects was avoided by yours truly having the presence of mind to turn Vic off and on again, the engine roared, passengers screamed, power restored, steering functional we swerved past frozen to spot dog and continued on our way. But the hint had been taken, Vic needed medical help.

So we took him to the Docs where he was plugged into a life support system. Apparently Vic had one of thirteen faults, fourteen if you included the bonnet opening cable breaking when that function was requested. Several spanners and swearwords later the greasy medic got his grubby mitts on Vic internals and began an operation to restore him to full health. I waited anxiously as they did what they needed to do. A reassuring cuppa was offered, don't worry I was told, hes in safe hands now. Hours later the grease covered medic came to break the news. Vic needed intensive care, mere first aid was not going to resurrect Vic, the question every car owner doesn't want to hear was asked, is he worth saving?

Vic worth saving,?

Vic who's stout constitution has saved me from a rear end crash, Vic who's sure footedness saved mine and a ponies life on a dark wet mountain road (he still bears the scars from that encounter the drivers door mirror is still on the to do list, the replacement in safely on top of the fridge) (the pony probably bears the scars too but a smacked bottom is better than the inside of a dog food can) of course Vic is worth saving!

I tried not to feint when told how much I would not be saving by saving Vic and left them too it. Days passed.

Several days past the we will rebuild him we have the technology day. I phoned the hospital, the chief surgeon wanted a word, this was serious.

Vic was not responding to treatment, several remedies had been tried and as a last resort they put him up on the ramp and found something very interesting. Somehow, and still no one knows how, a bird of some description, they know it was a bird as within the mushy mess there were brownish feathers,somehow this ex bird had flown through the front of the car and hit the god box.

The god box is the armour plated computergizmoid that governs all the cars motions and sensors, approximately 13 of them. The last thing to pass through the mind of this hapless bird was not, I guarantee, the realisation tht it was severing the data from the god box which meant that Vic had no idea which way up was, yet alone what fuel it should use, how to apply brakes and so on.

The god box arrived at the hospital yesterday and Vic was discharged this morning (costing three times the estimated repair bill, thanks birdy)

Man and machine reunited set out to right wrongs several counties away.

Vic was back.

All is well.

For now.

Until the next Kamikaze Sparrow decides to have a go.