It was almost like Christmas, but the calendar was wrong, the excitement of this mornings arrival kept me awake because today, the second day of spring, Rock HQ became a goat free zone....well nearly. We probably have more goats here than most residences in the UK, but we have substantially fewer than yesterday. The council tried to thwart our plans by digging up the road, and as you can see they brought in some big boys toys to do a proper job. But we were so eager to be rid of the horned menace that we set out extra early.
Being the simple creatures they are it was an easy task to lure them to their fate, Trixie was baited with tasty treats and the goats were told to leave them well alone. True to form as soon as they thought I wasn't looking they piled inside, I managed to capture the look of surprise on their little faces as the door slammed shut behind them. Bless. Tracey then announced I had to trim their hooves which entailed squeezing through the jockey door and wrestling the brutes for their compulsory pedicure. They managed to inflict a few more bruises as a parting shot but ultimately victory was mine.
The goat rehab centre is in a secret location in the heart of mid Wales. Surrounded by trees, razor wire and machine guns the goats are free to roam, within certain boundaries where they can engage in all their antisocial behaviour without bothering anyone, much. Once they are ready there are trained therapists on hand who use cognitive behavioural techniques to help them explore the causes of their more extreme behaviours, to come to terms with the past and to help them learn new coping strategies that will enable them to reach their full potential and contribute in a meaningful way to society without becoming a Balti.
Juliet and Bravo spotted the greenery and bolted from the trailer without a goodbye glance. Maggie who we have had since she was a puppy immediately jumped the fence and ran after us asking to be forgiven, mewing pitifully, she would stay clean this time she promised. However there are some things that cannot be forgiven, and being a goat called Maggie is one of them. She consoled herself with mouthfuls of brambles hand fed to her by her keyworker.
The pigs who were destined to return to the kingdom of the Stable Sprite (bed and board , cheap rates for week days, book in advance to avoid disappointment) to be ravished by Berky proved to be an exercise in patience. Never having been in a trailer before they were not too keen to start. Generous bribes of food failed to achieve the desired result and one of them thought the best way of remaining a trailer virgin was to eat it. Once it decided the matting on the trailer ramp was not very appetising it succumbed to the sin of gluttony and climbed into Trixie and eat her fill. This then complicated matters, one pig in, the other out and showing absolutely no interest on joining its sister. Being the size of a Rhinoceros and about as strong there was no way of moving her other than by gentle persuasion. Trying the put her snout in the bucket of food and walk her slowly to the trailer ramp worked until the pig inside got curious as to the contents of the bucket and tried to get out. This meant the ramp had to be lifted, it went up and down more times than a Labour Leaders popularity rating. Eventually the impossible happened, the sisters were reunited and we were heading back to Rock HQ.
Unloading them proved just as difficult, they decided they liked the trailer so much that they refused to come out. However, a secret weapon was unleashed and they exited the safety of the trailer as they espied a tall dark handsome stranger approach, Berky had spotted his new concubines and was intent on winning them over.
Our adventure over we tried to get back to the sanctuary of Rock HQ. Now Rene had done spectacularly, he is a very capable vehicle and can cope with most off road conditions. This one proved a tad difficult so he was abandoned in the lane and we trudged back over the fields. Back on the ranch we were greeted by Geisha and Ambrose who were keen to let us know that they were going to be well behaved and there was no need for rehab for them. Feeling slightly guilty I made a bit of a fuss of them both and then got on with the rounds. A sudden crash, a bit of yelp and goat ran past with a bucket of dog biscuits hanging from her neck. The rehab centre might just have some room left.
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