The cosmic balance is restored

It looks safe enough doesn't it, but there are hidden dangers just outside our front door.

If you haven't already you should read yesterdays posting before this one. Yesterday the universe bestowed on me a glorious day of good fortune, but as we all know the laws of the cosmos require for every good thing something bad must happen, a bit like Newtons Law which is often simplified into the sentence, "To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction."

So today I expected some payback for yesterday. When I woke up I was pleased to find I didn't actually need a Stannah Stairlift to get down the stairs after all the physical exertions but there were early signs that the odds were stacking against a trouble free day.

At 5am when I checked the goats, who are still in one piece, and the two ferret like collies disappeared into the darkness. After a fruitless five minutes shouting from the front door I resolved to go out and find them. Thus with an obligatory failing torch and filthy temper I wandered along the lane cutting a fine figure in my boxers cursing the day the nice man dropped these mischievous canines off. Finding nothing but a few bemused looking sheep and feeling the cold I returned to Rock HQ to get help. By the time I had woken Tracey with the news of their escape I was ready to turn them into a nice pair of slippers should they return. Thus a full air and sea search was organised and only called off when Tracey opened the back door and immediately found them both sitting quietly waiting to be let in.

Thinking that might be it I was fairly confident that the universe now felt it was even and leave me alone so I got on with the day.

Things took a huge turn for the worse when we were up on Willow Rise walking Fin the Rottweiler who is totally hopeless, doesn't know her name and certainly does not know the etiquette associated with being on a lead. Some one should have explained to her a while back that whilst on a 30foot lunge rope its not a good idea to run at full speed through the gateway your foster parent is standing in. Similarly someone should have told me that my bulk is no defence against a flat out canine whose lead acted as a scythe and sent me from happy vertical to hapless horizontal in a split second.

First Tracey knew anything untoward had occurred was hearing a loud "oooof!" and on turning saw me rolling down the 45 degree slope chased by a shitland pony intent on carnal knowledge of its disabled owner.

I don't think I lapsed into unconsciousness but everything was very dark and painful for a while with Tracey telling me to lie still while she wrestled the pony off me. Eventually I gathered my senses and dignity and then discovered the camera had broken by my landing on it. These two pictures are the last ones from the shattered remains. The one with the horses is the one I was taking just before taking off.

Thus sulking I went indoors to have a bath and soak away all the bruising. Finally, in the hot water my neck muscles eased and I felt much better, right up until Tracey opened the door and shouted "You might want to look out of the window, your pigs running round the garden!"

The universe is winning.

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