MIA cows and carpet bombing pigs

As dawn began its hike over the Bonsai Mountain I was already repairing fences. The three little pigs had been making their presence known by leaving craters all along the grass verges of the drive and across what was left of the "garden". Access to all areas had to be prevented hence my early appearance with various bits of wood, wire, screws, nails, staples, power tools and several sharp or heavy objects that, given the lack of daylight and my capacity for self harm, in normal circumstances would have required me to have at least supervision and more likely, help. However these were not normal circumstances, today was a big day, we had the final day of skills to foster training to deliver and an exhibition to put on inviting applications from would be fosterers. Time was tight, the fence repair went smoothly and all would have been well except for one minor detail. Repairing fences on pig pen should not go smoothly, there should be a cow shaped fly in the ointment.
Fully prepared for that eventuality I had taken along with all other fence repair essentials a bucket of feed to keep said cow occupied rather than have her investigate (read get in way) of repairs. Hetty was conspicuous by her absence. Rocky took advantage of lack of cow by eating a hearty breakfast. Search of perimeter was cowless, cow was definitely MIA, last seen 11.40pm in greenhouse asleep.
Clock ticking search pattern widened to militias field.
A dozen or so black cows grazed in the half light, none looked guilty.
Not ours then.
Clock ticked on.
Retraced search and extended to The Cauldron, if cow not there then search will have to abandoned.
Several high speed sheep exit the entrance to The Cauldron gave a tiny clue that a tiny cow was playing chase. Hetty thundered into the lane to be confronted by me in my finest matador pose. Thankfully she skidded to a halt and right turned into the back of the Corral OK where she was treated as hero by the ponies. Chastisements for all will have to wait there were lots of jobs to do.
Exhibition went well, lots of meeting and greeting, lots of interest and application packs dished out along with free pens and cards.

Help was at hand, the apprentice smallholder and The Godfather kept the troops entertained and in all the day was a great success. A good group completed the training and we had a brilliant buffet lunch where everyone chipped in with a plate of goodies. I ate more than my share of fresh crab and apple cake (two items ate separately, not together, that would be weird) I locked up and set off home a happy man, especially as the pigs would have been thwarted in their attempt to defoliate the garden.

Unfortunately the pigs had other ideas and had attacked en masse.

The resulting damage looked like the "garden" had been carpet bombed.

How had this happened?

Had they breached the extra security?

Had the repair work not held?

No, it was all intact.

They had simply used the almost barn door as an exit.

A barn door left open.

Left open by someone in a hurry.

In a hurry looking for a cow.

Shear fun in the real world!

Back in the real world, the one where Tracey has had to do all the work while I stroll around the countryside with my friends, there is lots of work to be done. Yesterday passed slowly as I recovered from the exertions of the trek, both feet had swelled from bruising so I spent a jolly day with them in a bucket of cold water reading and drinking a few beers. We went to The Harp to celebrate and had the usual fantastic meal, once again David cooked a steak that could not be surpassed in any way shape or form.


Sunday dawned, along with a new batch of aches and pains but the shearing had to be done so no more lounging in the garden. Typically instead of being in the yard for breakfast the Ryelands were all over the place so very slowly the round up began. By the time this butch itinerant shearer arrived we were missing last years lambs, Sandy, Hercules, Maude and Bonny, two ewes, Roxy and Ebony and our Suffolk cross, Meg. Tracey volunteered to walk around the hill to seek them out whilst I kept up a steady supply of tea and chocolate hob nobs for the Shearer Man. Some of you may recognise him, for he is famous, not for being the sheep equivalent of Vidal Sassoon but for being the captain of Hereford Rugby Club.

Whilst Tracey was doing the Bo Peep bit he manfully wrestled the sheep and gave them their annual short back and sides, all the time keeping them calm by singing to them (see photos above and below)

Tracey returned with the missing flockers apart from Meg. Now we have already lost three Suffolks since we have been here, see postings for M.I.A.s to read the full story, and again it looked like Meg was now M.I.A and probably on her way to a pie filling plant, caught up in the annual roundup.

Job done the Shearer Man waived his fee donating it to the Prostate Cancer charity, a big gesture as the amount would have bought him five miles, so many thanks Pritch, you cant sing but you are a generous soul.

Once the sheep were over their trauma they wandered off, cooler if not happy.

Early this evening I took Mad Keith his dinner. Whilst we were chatting a lone sheep wandered down the trail towards the rest of our flock gathered on the technohermits lawn. Meg had returned, safe and crustless. She now has a choice, stay hot all summer or allow me to shear her by handshears, and does anyone remember how that turned out our first year?

False alarm!

A really busy day at Rock HQ, not helped by the garage who phoned whilst we were in the thick of the action outside to say that our exhaust for Rene was in. Once the crippled car was on the ramp it became obvious that the exhaust they had was not the one needed and after much head scratching and sharp intakes of breath they decided they couldn't do it, Rene needed a Renault garage. I wasn't in the best frame of mind anyway having already cancelled going out to dinner because we couldn't get there, swallowed the bitter pill of inflated prices charged by the garage (the parts on the internet came to £75, the garage first quoted £270) and having made the effort to get there finding they were not able to repair it put a real downer on the days activities. In fact I was so bothered by the garage I completely forgot the second reason for being in town that of visiting the vet Andy.

Hopes were raised at one stage though. Steve the electrical sprite from across the valley called in and brought with him his family who had the Rock HQ tour, the usual welcome from the animals and a chance to feed the fattest bottle fed lambs in farming history.

Steve's wife told a tale of a strange hill sheep that mugged her for yogurt coated raisins whilst on the summit of our hill. She had even filmed the beast and showed us the clip on her camera. Initially we thought it was Bill, who is still M.I.A. and hopefully happy on the hills and not wearing a Ginsters wrapper at a garage near you. Close inspection showed it wasn't him, but his mum, still wearing her fleece as she evaded capture by the shearer.

So we are no closer to discovering Bill's fate, but we do know not to fill our pockets with yogurt coated snacks whilst out looking for him.

Return of the P.O.W.s

In a surprise move the local militia released three of the missing Rock 4 late last night.

An unidentified vehicle approached the border crossing and after verifying the identity of the passengers it was allowed into the yard.

Meg, April and Molly were released back into the care of Rock HQ after a brief tea ceremony and handshakes.

The militia were unable to assist with any details of the whereabouts of Bill, pictured above in Rock HQ's command post, but in an effort to improve relations and eliminate further border disputes they committed to tracking Bill down and returning him safely, thus avoiding the pie makers about to do the spring roundup. They also gave details of further militia groups that may be holding Bill.

Rock HQ paid no ransom and no concessions were made, from the outset our position has been that the Rock HQ hostages should have been released. However the high command at Rock HQ gratefully acknowledge the fact the missing sheep were well looked after and given routine medical treatment. Meg, Molly and April (Bills Mum) are currently being housed in Maggie's Den, goat house number 2, where they will stay for a period of recuperation after their ordeal. They are in excellent health and do not appear to have suffered from their time in captivity.

The search for Bill will intensify, Rock HQ will not give up until his whereabouts or fate are ascertained. He will still be listed as missing in action until proved otherwise.

Meanwhile the plight of Bill continues.

P.O.W. latest news!

Despite having negotiators on standby no contact was made this week with the militia believed to be holding the Rock Four captive.

A breakthrough in Diplomacy was achieved today and direct discussions for the release of the Rock Four were finally held with those holding them.

No information was given as to their exact whereabouts but it is thought they managed to get five miles behind enemy lines before they were discovered and taken hostage.

Those holding them have given assurances that they are fit and healthy and have committed to releasing them as soon as they admit to having strayed onto private farmland and acceptable transport can be arranged. The position of Rock HQ was maintained, that they were non combatants on Common Land and should have been allowed to continue their grazing unhindered. As a gesture of good will the militia have agreed to transport the captives back to Rock HQ in the near future. In the meantime they will be entertained at the militias expense.

Unfortunately it has been disclosed that only three of the missing four are captive and only vague descriptions have been passed to Rock HQ. It is unclear which three are being held although it is almost certain that one of the prisoners is Meg the only brown face Suffolk cross of the group.

Our thoughts are with the three captives and the remaining member of the grazing party that must still be classified M.I.A.

Meanwhile the plight of the Rock Four continues.