What not to wear

 Will.I.am is a very handsome lad but lacking in the brain department. This morning he was wearing his raincoat at a very jaunty angle. I dont think it will catch on.

Muddy Christmas part deux

After endless faffing around in the mud, hauling 20kg bags of feed to various mud stranded creatures, checking to see nothing had drowned (have I mentioned the rain?) we managed to scrape ourselves clean and head north for Christmas part deux with my folks. Little t did his utmost to entertain and despite the floods we made it safely back to HQ in time for evening rounds. Nothing had changed, perhaps the sea of mud that surrounds the cottage was a little deeper, the rain still persisted, every living creature was miserable and those not indoors were worse, cant wait until morning to go out in it again!

I shall have my revenge.......

 There was a rule regarding Christmas presents fro little t, that they did not make any noise. The whole family stuck to this rule, as did Father Christmas. Except one family member who thought this was the most appropriate present to give.

I shall have my revenge.

In this life or the next!

Trading places

 Yesterday Thor kept us entertained/occupied as we tried to contain his lust for male horse flesh (thankfully they were not dressed in their horsey bondage gear, aka bridles and saddles otherwise he would have exploded on the spot!) and get him back in his lair. Today Pam took his place and destroyed the newly reconstructed goat house when shown it as a potential birthing suite. Pam favoured the straw store and built a nice cosy nest, where she lay doing nothing at all until we were due to go to dinner and she cannoned out into the world three piglets. One was promptly crushed by recoil and once we were properly late she fell asleep. Sleeping meant that I had enough time for find the two sex crazed Bernese Mountain Dogs who, instead of walking across the yard and into the cottage after the fun and games in the straw store, chose to leg it into the darkness up the slopes of the Bonsai Mountain. By now dinner looked like turning into breakfast but the naughty dogs were finally coaxed back by promises of safe passage and no reprisals and we made it to the dinner table a mere 90 minutes late.

Boxing clever

 Plans for a traditional boxing day (watching cartoons eating leftovers, going to the hunt meet and eating Christmas cake) were dealt a death blow by the non traditional cry of "Theres a pig in the feed store". In getting there it had been evicted from the pig pen by Pam, as so Thor the super stud wended his amorous way along the smallholding until he found an inviting open door and in a massive display of optimism began to make himself at home.

 Having suffered a disappointing second eviction from the cleaned out med bay he went around the corner to seek refuge in the stable, and once again was found making a bed that it was going to be impossible to lie on as an irate equine was about to take up residence (although it has to be noted that the weather was so bad that Chester almost went in despite the presence of the horse fetishist boar) and in a case of third time still unlucky Thor was moved on to the temporary shelter of the old goat house which he promptly demolished finally settling for a comfortable night in the straw store. As this was next door to Bridget the squeals of pig foreplay kept most of the smallholding awake and the werewolves at bay.

 Also as well ( a local way of saying also, as well as this) Minnie was back on the leash after setting off Christmas night into the darkness, my fleeting thought of she wont go far she has just had dinner was highly inaccurate but she did get back before I did as I took the long way round the Bonsai Mountain with the intention of cutting her off at the pass. Minnie is an unexpected but very welcome guest and looks to be here for a while.

 Luckily she does not take up too much room, in fact you would hardly know there was another dog in the house.

Its Christmas!!!

 Action packed day, little t found a fat man had left a load of presents, and Father Christmas had also been.

 While I fed the critters little t fed a Giraffe, full cooked English the preferred choice of the discerning Giraffe.

 I then fed the gang, all fed and watered we watched in awe as

little t demonstrated how not to use felt pens left by the fat man.

And everyone fell in love with Minnie. Even though she stole the turkey.

Hope you all had a very happy Christmas.
We did!
Best wishes to you all.

Seasonal joke

There's a cruel joke going around this time of year. It seems that no greeting, no matter how casual can be passed without this joke being repeated. It goes along the lines of "Ready for Christmas then?"
I think we will be, around 5.47 am Boxing Day.
Meantime while buying even more food on the oh my God we are going to starve as the shops shut for 24 hours I spotted another joke. The supermarket is stocking Easter eggs.

Return of the Jedi

Our fence Jedi returned today and the finishing touches were put to the fences around the fields. The pocket rocket is safely behind bars. The militias ponies are safe. Point of fact, heard today that foals were being sold in the local market for 25p. People cant afford to feed them, nobody wants them, except the glue factory.

He is real!

 Little t was less than impressed with his Christmas knitwear, that and being the only child not to get to talk to the jolly fat man in the red and white trimmed suit.

Still we have told him not to talk to strangers.

Big thank you to Father Christmas who took time out to call in on the Red Kite Fostering Christmas party. Despite the look on little t's face everyone had a great time.

The true meaning of Christmas

 On our travels today we saw what horrors people get up to in trying to convey the Christmas spirit to the world. I have no doubt your eyes are already drawn to the pink monstrosity below but try and focus on the above pic of my beautiful and oh so patient wife with lap dog. Lap dog, not from Lapland, but of Swiss origin is Bliss who has a mortal fear of anything and everything and will seek reassurance that the everything is OK by physical contact. So perhaps taking her to the vet in a car, through floods on a day that the Mayans predicted the world would end was not the best of ideas and half way through said news report that the world was predicted to end (quite why this dirge was given such credence by endless news bulletins can only be explained by the BBC being fearful of the complaints should they have got it wrong, ignored it and the world actually ending, a Mrs Trellis from North Wales has written in complaining the world has ended, why werent we told......)

leaped from the back of Miranda into the lap of MBAOSPW. A good job really as A) I am not so patient as to have a trembling 45kg dog land on me, and B) I was preoccupied by the circular object in my lap that assisted Miranda with negotiating the local geography safely.  Once Bliss was reassured that the world wasn't about to end, only for her is she didn't behave, she returned to the designated area and we continued on our travels. Bliss behaved very well at the vets and shes not pregnant.
On our travels today w found that the true meaning of Christmas was, for someone, a pink Christmas tree decorated with cutlery. This has to be the most awful Christmas tree ever displayed. Unless you know different. If you do, send us proof!

Here comes the flood.......again

 Its rains a bit. Ok a lot. 300 flood warnings across the UK and we had our own to contend with where our lane joins the world. Perhaps we should have bought a boat.

At what point did you realise.......

So there we were at work, my beautiful and oh so patient wife seemed a bit preoccupied and my bouncing round like Tigger over Christmas arrangements (The big FC has decided to make a visit to our bit of a do on the weekend) and finger buffets was not helping.
The cause for her concern became apparent when on doing an ET for the third time (phoned home) and got no answer imaginations ran riot, was grandma poorly and little t trying to wake her up? Was she tied to the sofa and little t shooting apples off her head?
What was going on?
So concerned was she that for once getting ready to return to HQ took 2.6 seconds rather than the usual half a year and when Miranda pulled into the yard MBAOSPW sprang gazelle like to the front door to find grandma safe and well enjoying a cuppa.
No the phone hasn't rung all day.
Hmmm, wonder why, we called at least three times.
 Phone was checked.
No sign of life.
My thoughts turned to have I paid the bill, yes, Internet was still on so whats wrong, a dear BT email seemed in order, how dare they cause such anxiety with their incompetence.
So at what point in my musings was it discovered that the reason the phone hadn't rung was because someone had unplugged the phone to plug in some very pretty festive lights.

On the hoof

Chester grabbing a quick snack as he is turned out of the stable for a clear out. The muck on his coat is from rolling in the lane. His nice clean red coat. As was.

Missing the point

Amid the usual chaos at Rock HQ that makes up our morning I happened to spot this valiant effort to spoil the day. Poised to make an entrance was Nerg Nails cousin, Fulton MacKay (a screw) but thanks to yours truly being unusually observant (especially as it was morning) its plan to see if the wheel changing ability of yours truly has improved since the last time (digging a trench to get wheel off, no jack etc) was thwarted.

I'm still standing

 Kayleigh was helped upright again

but not for long. Still today she managed 2x yesterdays standing time and was keen to get up unassisted when the breakfast arrived. Time will tell.
The jobs list got a hammering today as it was reasonably dry (unless talking about the inside of my wellingtons which were definitely the wet side of damp thanks to holes) and everybody got new beds, the runway was cleared, the stables emptied of pooh, a new gate carried up the bonsai mountain and much more. I was told to check the goats due to a strange smell. Then when all was in order there (as in one refusing to stand being normal) I was asked to check the upstairs toilet, then the drains, then check to see if the puppy had left a message under the computer desk. All these things I did as my beautiful and oh so patient wife could smell something funny. Funny as in bad. As in smelly drain bad. Once the obvious had been eliminated and my trainers we thrown outside, the dogs banished to the workshop and little t's bum changed, for MBAOSPW the smell persisted. It was then traced to the horsey lineament she had been liberally applying to various equine limbs. A main component being sulphur. Next time shes going to wear gloves and not blame the dog for the pong.

The last round up

Ferny Fern Fern from Ferntown, Easter, Springtime, Ebony and Joan Jett have had their liberty curtailed. Now we have fields separated from the Bonsai Mountain by fences that work the little flockers who are more used to lurking with intent around out buildings or sleeping on the doorstep were tricked into following a bucket of allure to the high ground and shut in with the shitlands and the rest of the flockers. One of the more helpful militia turned up with a tractor and took a ton of hayledge from the yard to the high ground to supplement the "pasture" which is made up predominantly of moss, rocks and anthills. Unfortunately for all concerned he put it in the wrong field.

All change!

 Yesterday a lovely crisp morning

 Same view this morning

 So as I plodded about the ranch in foul weather gear, not in the best of moods as the rain was freezing and forming a death trap on the yard for those who have a capacity for self harm, my mood was lifted somewhat by what was in the stable.

I finally got her on her hooves this morning, and while vertical only lasted three minutes before crashing horizontal it does show that she is making some form of recovery. Goat physiotherapy is now a skill I can add to the list of those acquired since taking on the smallholding. There are risks involved, gripping a goat firmly from behind by the hips and helping her to an upright aspect does look a bit suspect should anyone be looking over the stable door, but as she consented and no kissing was involved it was all perfectly legal. I shall persevere and the ban on anyone carrying a camera other than yours truly stands until Kayleigh does.

In a different light

 The hard frost, freezing fog and

 "dawn" light has

 made Rock HQ into

a whole new world.

Mr Frosty

 Right!

 Ive had enough of this!

 Its cold enough for brass monkeys to be complaining

 so put the camera away and get breakfast.

Now!

Bad hair day

 Will.I.Am doing a passable impression of

 a hay bale. He just couldn't wait for the calories to land.

Bearing up

 Bear had to go back to the V E T tonight for a check up to see how things are progressing. The poor lad shook like a leaf the whole time we were there and refused to go through doorways unless yours truly went first.

 So we sat and waited a while reading about flea treatment and lagomorphic dental hygiene

and we waited some more and filled our time watching the cat people carrying baskets of irate moggies to see the veterinary. Finally we were summonsed and based on the 9 steps he took to get to the consulting room vet was concerned that Bear wasn't putting enough weight on rear drivers side paw. As she had not seen him trying to get on the waiting room chairs, climb baby gates in Rock HQ and be evicted from sofas that he favours instead of his bed I was able to reassure her that he does indeed put a lot of his fat backside onto the newly reconstructed joint. Thanks to his must get sympathy limping action he is going back to the V E T on Friday for another check.