The Bernese Wall

In an impressive attempt to outdo Phil Spectres Wall of Sound the little Berners are singing for their supper. We haven't yet had to resort to ear defenders to cope with the dreadful din but it has led to me exploring the possibility of creating a canine toffee which you give to the dog when its making a racket and as its jaws are machinating the beef flavoured sweet it cannot make a sound other than the odd whimper for help.

Such was the activity in the whelping box that we dismantled it and built The Bernese Wall which is a vast wooden construction that segregates the East and West dining room. Residents of the west have free access to the kitchen and all the facilities the cottage has to offer, those in the east have a floor, a door to chew and wet room for regular character building cold showers. When we visit the east we have had to adopt a peculiar way of walking, rather like the Stingray Shuffle, a method adopted in Caribbean countries when walking in the sea to ensure you don't step on the Stingrays business end. We have to move slowly sliding our feet so as not to injure the paws, tails and heads of the eager eastern bloc residents who desperate for news of relatives in the west throw themselves at our legs in a bid for attention. I sense the residents of the east are in fact plotting a revolution and I am thinking of approaching NATO for a missile system to defend the border against incursions. They, by way of getting in their retaliation first leave dozens of puppy mines in random patterns which take an age to clear several times a day.

Meanwhile the Berners continue to grow cuter by the day despite the inbuilt noise generating systems which I hope will be switched off when a prospective owner comes to visit.