It's good news week

 Leaving aside small potatoes like epic IT fails that have left Rock HQ unable to reach out and touch someone, or yours truly finding a powerpoint presentation crashed halfway through vital training session, this week has been a good news week.

 Puppy's that have followed yours truly on his bike have been caught and returned to rightful owner despite pleadings of the apprentice that we should keep it.

 Dogs have detonated properly and with regularity thus alleviating need for surgical intervention.

 Unbelievably, after handing over Gerry to a mechanic who on accepting the keys smiled knowingly, the type of smile from a man who is going to give you bad news later, the sort of bad news that will cost money, Gerry passed his annual medical examination with flying colours requiring no work and no money to allow yours truly another 12 months legal motoring.

 Once the now sad faced mechanic handed him back we (me and Gerry) shot off to town to Climb on Bikes to fetch my new steed. A slight miscommunication meant that I had no cycling kit and needed some to finish off the fitting process, so in for a penny in for pound I bought all new kit, and waterproofs obviously necessary to ride a bike indoors. So at the counter cringing waiting for the final reckoning for bike, testing, fitting, shoes, inserts x 2 pairs, 2 saddles, trousers, t shirt, waterproof jacket and pedals I questioned my sanity. Nice bike shop man (the worlds best salesman as previously |I had only gone into the shop for a saddle, I was now leaving with 2, albeit one attached to a bike, plus a serious amount of expensive kit) drew that sharp intake of breath, the one that costs you money and said, and I quote "So, if you pay for the bike you get all this lot for free"
Suspecting a trap I asked him to repeat it, slowly, and it transpired that Specialized the bike makers had a deal on that equipped winter riders if they bought a bike. Fab! But I asked him to write it down as it seemed so far fetched that I was certain my beautiful and oh so patient wife would not believe it.

And so it goes on, more good news, a beautiful clear day gave the ideal opportunity to test new rocket ship and without over exerting myself too much the new bike allowed me to knock over five minutes off my time on my usual training route. It is fast.
To pile on the good vibes in a parallel universe in a land down under our friend Kathy has reached the halfway stage to becoming a V E T.
But to top it all I was out dodging zombies on a night run wondering how Andy in Germany was getting on, or rather how his wife was getting on as she was about to deliver another human into the world and it turns out that she has popped and they are proud owners of a little girl to go with their three boys. Now that is good news.

Hurrah for pooh

Having spent part of the day admiring how much pooh the equines added to yesterdays pile you might have thought that yours truly would have had enough to do with pooh today, but I am so pleased to have just seen a massive dog pooh that I am smiling. Not my usual response to a dog do the size of a small car but this one fell from the rear end of Spotty the action Berner after an emergency call out for the V E T.
Spotty was straining to lay one out on Thursday night but the significance of this was missed in the general melee of HQ. Then last night he played roll over instead of scoff my dinner so was left with a bowlful while I shut the birds away so again was not clear as to who ate his pies but this morning he was not his usual bouncy self and tonight was arched up in pain, straining, walking in circles and generally unwell and in pain.
So V E T was summonsed and in an unusual twist to Saturday nights I was holding the front end while a V E T was squirting 120ml of lubricant up the poor dogs backside in an effort to shift the blockage that was hiding just over a finger length inside. After subjecting straining K9 to such indignity and injecting him with painkillers and antibiotics V E T gave the sage advice of "Quick run outside!" as dog was now primed to go, and go in a big way. V E T moved surprisingly fast in an effort to save the floor, money would have been placed on massive dog getting to door before anxious biped. Once in the fresh air Spotty declined to detonate despite coaxing and being spoon fed laxatives so he jumped into the back of Gerry and made himself comfortable. The journey home was completed in record time and once were on home ground Spotty jumped from his seat and literally went BANG as a turd with the diameter of a tennis ball cannoned into the lane. He quickly followed that one with a mountainous pile and proceeded to run from the scene of the crime leaving yours truly gasping for air but also relieved, albeit in a different way to Spotty.

A special contribution!

This is some of the very special contribution made by our equine friends at Rock HQ. Jobslist tomorrow dictates that their daily doings are moved from one end of the smallholding to the other, so the piles going to get a whole lot bigger. I love weekends.

The appliance of science

 As yours truly decided in early 2012 (pre Bradley) to enjoy the simpler things in life and cycle as much as possible several things have happened since my new found allegiance to Lycra. First off the bike I had chosen to become a fully fledged MAMIL on proved to be too big for someone of such short stature and thanks to the Governments cycle to work scheme I managed to acquire an all new racing steed that was brilliant. Say was as it was far superior to anything I had ever ridden and everso fast, even with me piloting it. So I happily did some 4500 miles on it in 18 months and that's when things went a bit pear shaped. The bike I rode began to suffer, bits, serious bits had to be replaced due to excessive wear and tear (wheels, chain, cogs, in fact most of it) and still things were not right. The main reason for this was that the bike is an off the peg racer suited to an off the peg rider. Excessive wear and tear began to show on its pilot, at one stage I couldn't sit down, walk, stand without feeling like I was being knifed repeatedly in the abdomen. Lots of tests, all seemed to point to cycling, so an enforced month off where I only rode my mountain bike honest doc began. No pain. Verdict. Get some science into the hobby, hence yours truly sat in a bike laboratory pedalling like a mad man and having every action/reaction videoed and scrutinised by the white coat brigade. They were more used to having pristine triatheletes and their machinery to analyse so me in my riding shoes the dogs had chewed and both shoes and bike covered in mud raised an eyebrow or too.  

 And so we began, heres my steed as we go through the process, firstly the saddle was measured after it was found my hip bones were flailing around at odd angles (apparently they should be still) and after sitting on several gel things to give an accurate measure of my backside a wider saddle was fitted. My previous saddle was too narrow and all my weight was being carried by the front of the saddle hence no feeling in the men's department. After saddle and saddle height pedals were adjusted, on the rights a 1mm shim on the left a 2mm shim reduced the erratic pedal stroke and then the addition of shoe inserts and an additional 2mm spacer in my left shoe stopped me hitting the frame with my heel and improved things even more. So much so that the power I was now driving through the bike was causing the frame to flex. Then the front end was sorted, new head spacer at the top, angle of the bars changed, advice given on new geometry required to make bars fit me and a riser put on the left side due to my shorter left arm. In all, nothing was right about the bike I had been riding, it was set for a 6 foot 4 inch rider with short arms, whereas I am 5 foot 10 on a good day and have a modified reach due to carelessness on a ladder.

The end result of me making their laboratory look like pigs had trampled through it was the above. This is my almost perfect fit bike which will be ready for final fitting early next week. This is what I am going to use for next years mega man test, a three day event covering 480 miles by bike, 28 miles up and down mountains and all in 72 hours.
Watch this space :)

You've made your bed...

..now lie in it!

Apollo taking advantage of the newly filled feed ring by pulling the hay out and making a nice cosy bed.

A little ray of sunshine

 Only in autumn

 do you get

 colours like this

at Rock HQ

Dog gone!

 Those who own Bernese Mountain Dogs know that when left alone these lovely but dim dogs can create havoc, and any beast who has a bladder the size of a spaceman's helmet should not be left home alone if you value soft furnishings and oak floors. So our dirty dozen, yes there are now 12 (at least) are secreted at various locations around Rock HQ when we go to fetch essential supplies like today's home made fudge and pink lemonade. Bliss and WooZah get to share the annex, a purpose built room on the side of the cottage with leather arm chairs and radio 4. Now imagine my surprise today when on my return I opened the annex door to get Bliss and WooZah to patrol the perimeter fence and found one dog gone. WooZah bounded out, but Bliss, Dolyhir clan 2IC female was definitely missing. Fearing the worst I went inside to find two empty chairs, clean bowls and the shipping forecast. No dog.

 Back outside and a quick recount, one, two missing. Sudden frantic barking from inside the annex gave a clue that all was not well in Bliss' world. Now me being a champion hoarder found it impossible to throw away the old conservatory so its stored, flat pack style against the far wall, the wall that yours truly put up some while ago partitioning the annex from the black hole and the workshop. The day I need a knackered rotten wooden conservatory then I won't be found wanting, no sir, not me!
 Due to the length of the stored pieces and a breeze block supporting column thing there is an 18 inch gap at the back, meaning that there is a six foot deep, 18 inch wide 30 inch long hole between all the bits stored and the wall. This was now half full of a very frantic Berner called Bliss who, for reasons known only to herself had climbed up onto the wood and glass jigsaw and fell tuther side.
As can be seen from the pics there was no easy way out, and shifting a ton or so of wood and glass by myself was not an option. Neither was pulling her out as she is a tad on the weighty side (like me) which meant only one optimal plan.
Climb down to her.

That was the plan, I actioned it quicker than I intended but had a reasonably soft landing that having stopped barking was very pleased to see me. This is us almost seeing eye to eye. I gave her a helping hand to escape, which she did, leaving me to puzzle out what she had tried to solve for several hours previously. Finally I hauled myself out, assisted by swearing and the knowledge that effort is always better than embarrassment caused by phoning for help and soon the two of us were reunited in the cottage, her on the sofa, me on the floor.
 I know my place.

Take the hint

Training opportunities are few and far between at the moment (rug rats, work, lergy) so after last nights success of getting out on mountain bike for 45 minutes for the first time in at least 3 weeks yours truly decided to do the same but different and take racing steed out on same route. Reasons for this were convoluted and part of a mix it up training schedule but mainly because last nights ride was on a mountain bike with slipping gears and as I am to bicycle repair as Ed Milliband is to male modelling it was best left to an expert who was not available once the evening routine had been done and children were safely up the wooden hill.
Torrential rain was not going to put me off. I went out and changed the lights from the MTB to the racing steed. In doing so find that rear light fitted means no emergency saddle pack can be fitted. Look for hi viz rucksack. Find it in workshop.  Remembered that road cycling shoes were missing. Look for shoes. Give up. Find damaged shoes. Better than nothing. Rain heavier.
Decide to get wet weather riding gear sorted. Back in house find gear. Out to bike, only one over shoe. Back in house finally find left overshoe behind sofa (don't ask) Back out to bike. Decide tyres are a bit soft. Look for stirrup pump. Find it at same time as Bernese Mountain Dog who is quicker than me and runs off with it. Chase dog. Persuade dog to swap pump for bottle of horse spray. Back to bike. Pump up rear tyre but cannot read pressure gauge due to glasses steaming up. Wipe glasses clean. Four times. rear tyre solid. Move to front. Same routine with glasses. Tyre solid. Stand back and mentally check everything is in place for bike ride.
Sudden deflation of front tyre. Clean glasses. Find the tyre wall has blown out, cannot replace tube as tyre blown as well. Look at MTB, decide not to ride that due to gears. Rain gets heavier.
Salvation!
 Use front wheel of spare bike waiting to be clipped into turbo trainer. Tyre flat. Pump it up following glasses cleaning routine. Tyre solid. Simple task now of replacing wheel only nut missing from quick release skewer, never mind use skewer in original wheel.
Remove skewer.
Try to remove skewer from replacement wheel and find that it won't budge due to it being bent over like a hook thanks to some previous mishandling. Lose temper, hit skewer with large spanner that doubles as a hammer but due to glasses problem hit thumb making it bleed.
Stand.
Count to ten.
Note that rain is now Biblical.
Decide there are enough signs that a quick bike ride is not going to happen. Spend evening sulking eating biscuits.